


More Than Melody

by NonnieHolly



Category: Glee
Genre: AU, BDSM, D/s, Dom!Kurt, Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, dub-con, non-con (not klaine), sub!Blaine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-22 12:57:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 38,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3729802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NonnieHolly/pseuds/NonnieHolly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just as Kurt Hummel's acting career began to skyrocket, his world was turned upside down when he lost his sub. Heartbroken, he locked himself away for months and resolved never to date again- until one night his best friend Rachel forced him to go to a club where he ends up hearing a performance from a musician named Blaine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Come Back

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter songs playlist: https://play.spotify.com/user/nonnieholly/playlist/0ndsCWKOU9Y6P4NDlNL5dS

_Kurt walked into the apartment, roses in hand. Kurt had been inhumanly busy lately and he and Chandler hadn't seen each other much at all for the past month. It had been over a week since they'd even had a scene and Kurt knew they both needed one. He was exhausted from the daily and nightly runs of his show, but he finally had a Monday night off (publicity had been non-stop) and he absolutely intended to make it up to his perfect, beautiful sub._

_Breakfast had been kept slightly warm in the oven for him that morning, and Kurt had spent the day smiling when he thought of his wonderful and considerate sub who had gotten up early to cook. Kurt was a little sad that Chandler had gone to work without waking him, but he supposed it was no different from the late nights when Kurt slipped silently into bed and spooned up behind his sub without waking him. His heart fluttered at the ghostly memory of the other man's slight frame leaning unconsciously into him when he did. Even asleep, his sub gravitated toward him and Kurt would be sure that he got as much of his Dom as he could stand that night._

With a groan, Kurt opened his eyes. He hadn't been drinking, but he felt hung over anyway as the light hit him. "How did you get in?" he asked groggily and curled up with a moan as Rachel pulled the blanket off him.

"You honestly think I don't know exactly where you keep your spare key?" she asked. "Come on, get up. You need a shower and a haircut and I'm going to make sure you get both. And then some."

"Rachel, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I'm not ready," he said and rolled over, burying his face in his pillow. 

The bed dipped as his friend sat down and rubbed his shoulder. "It's been six months, Kurt."

It felt like far less time had passed, but all he felt was numb when he thought about what had happened six months ago. In fact, all he felt was numb period. He'd been numb for months, waiting to feel properly sad or angry or even like he might ever heal but there was nothing. Everything in him had disappeared with Chandler. He turned slightly to face her. "I don't want anyone new," he told her quietly, and she gave him a sympathetic look.

"I promise this isn't a set up," she assured him. "All I want is my friend back. Now, get up."

Kurt raised an eyebrow at the edge of dominance in her tone. This was the Rachel that had introduced him to the Scene. She returned his look and he knew he wasn't getting out of this. He hauled himself out of bed, feeling a little unsteady. "Don't worry," she said as she started heading out of his bedroom. "I've got coffee and bagels."

"That actually sounds good," Kurt realized. He'd been living on cereal and canned vegetables for months and was almost out of what was in the kitchen. He'd lost weight and he could tell Rachel had every intent to put it back on him. That was fine. At his current weight, if Kurt ever decided to get back into acting he'd only get the kind of roles where he was in a hospital for cancer or something. 

Once she'd disappeared into the main room, Kurt stripped out of his clothes and got in the shower. The hot water felt good, and he actually felt a little lighter as he cleaned off the nightmare sweat. He was ashamed to realize he'd gone probably two weeks without a shower. He never left his apartment anymore, and rarely left his bed either. Maybe the reason it didn't feel like six months was that he'd slept through most of it. By the time the hot water had run out, half an hour had gone by and Kurt's lungs felt more open. He was probably just imagining it, but he did feel better putting on clean clothes and having seen Rachel. He tried to fix his hair, but she was right and he needed it cut. It was hanging past his ears and there was nothing he could do with it except comb the tangles out.

When he finally left his room, she met his eyes with a hesitant smile and pulled out a chair for him. He knew it was the Domme in her, but he wasn't sure how he felt about her caring for him like she would a sub. It was nice to be cared for, but his Dom was slowly waking up, demanding that he stop following someone else's orders. He pushed it back down when he saw the fresh strawberries, peaches, and grapes in a bowl by the bagels. "Thank you," he remembered to say after he'd taken a bit too much into his mouth. 

She laughed a little and squeezed his shoulder before taking a sip of her coffee. "I've got the day planned," she informed him. "First, hair cut-"

"Actually," Kurt interrupted, "I want to keep it like this. For a little while anyway. It's probably a better disguise than a hat or sunglasses."

She thought about it for a second and relented. "Okay, fine. We'll skip the haircut. So we'll do some window shopping or something until lunch instead. Then, we're going to the movies. Artie's film he's been working on since college, you know that one? It's out. I mean, it's only in a few tiny indie theaters, but there's one here in LA that's playing it, so we're going. If you're not completely pooped by then, dinner at the club?"

"I really do not have clubbing in me right now, Rachel," Kurt said firmly.

She grinned. "It's not that kind of club. I mean, it is, it's definitely the kind of club which caters to kinksters, but it's not a dance/hookup kind of place. It's artsy and Saturdays they have live performers. It's basically a low-key concert."

"Today is Saturday," Kurt stated, and for some reason that was his main takeaway. He'd stopped keeping track of the days of the week. He'd stop keeping track of whether it was day or night, even. "I won't say no, but I'm not saying yes."

"That's all I ask," she said and grinned.

They took a cab to an area of the city he hadn't seen before. It was full of small, specialty stores. Even though Kurt hadn't been working for months, he still had quite a bit in savings. Since the show he was in was based on the film he'd starred in, it paid a lot better than most theatre gigs. The film had paid pretty well, too. Rachel seemed a little too pleased with herself when Kurt actually bought himself a few things: just a pair of tight jeans and a bottle of cologne, but she must've taken them as an indication that he intended to go out more. He should, he knew he should, and maybe he wanted to. Then again, maybe he was just buying those things out of habit.

The place Rachel had chosen for lunch was small and cozy. They were shown to a private booth in the back and Kurt tried to exchange a confused look with Rachel as to why they'd give the pair of them such a large booth, but she didn't seem nearly as confused. "Oh, did I forget to tell you?" she asked. "Sam and Mercedes are coming."

"Rachel-"

"Relax, it's just Sam and Mercedes."

"You didn't even ask!" Kurt snapped, but he was forced to calm down because they'd both arrived and he could see them approaching. He forced a smile onto his face and greeted them graciously. Rachel must have prepped them and he suddenly was a lot more suspicious of the texting she'd been doing throughout the day. "So what are you two up to?" Kurt asked. "How was your tour, Mercedes?"

"Amazing," she gushed, "but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't glad to be back."

Sam smiled at that and said, "She's not the only one."

Mercedes elbowed him and Kurt smiled because he didn't want them to think he was jealous or that their happiness reminded him of what he lost- even if he was and it did. "I wish I could've made it out to one of your shows," he told her honestly.

"Well, you're coming tonight, right?" she asked and it was clear she wasn't taking no.

"If it's alright with Rachel. She wanted to go to this club-"

"Oh, I forgot to mention Mercedes is one of the live bands," Rachel said smoothly and he had to take a deep breath to keep from seething. "I think Sam is one of the dancers, isn't he?"

Sam lit up. "If Mercedes's choreographer likes me tonight, she'll probably add me to the lineup so I can go on her next tour."

"That's great," Kurt said. He wondered if Rachel had organized this day specifically to show him that all their friends were making it and moving forward in their lives. "I'm sure you'll get it."

"But really though," Mercedes said. "Thanks for coming. I've heard this club is a little... Let's just say it's not my usual crowd."

"That's okay," Rachel nodded and Kurt had to keep from smirking. None of their friends knew Kurt and Rachel were actually into that. He wouldn't be surprised if Rachel had been to this club before. "We'd go just about anywhere to hear you perform."

"Speaking of," Mercedes said. "What are you doing lately, Rachel? You haven't been on Facebook, so we know you're doing something."

Kurt turned, genuinely interested in the answer. Rachel seemed like she was struggling to contain herself. "I am, but I can't talk about it. Let's just say it's going to be big, and you're all invited- comped, of course."

The rest of lunch was good, and Kurt felt overfull after eating so little for so long. He'd forgotten what it felt like to be properly nourished. Mercedes and Sam joined them for the movie and Kurt tried not to notice them holding hands and sitting a little too close. For the first time since it Happened, he felt an overwhelming wave of grief. For a second, he was convinced he could feel Chandler's hand in his, smooth and cold. Chandler's hands were always cold, and he was always slipping them under Kurt's shirt or cupping them around the back of Kurt's neck causing him to jerk away from the shock. He was glad only Rachel noticed his distress and she took his hand, squeezing it, and that brought him back down a little.

Mercedes was amazing, and the opening acts were really great, too. They wouldn't be able to tell Mercedes that, since the bands were obviously very kink-centered. He even enjoyed the club itself. It was cozy and the tables were all round booths high enough to give each group privacy from their neighbors. There were some private rooms off to the side that he guessed were reserved for VIPs or musicians, but he was happy enough to sit with Rachel and Sam in one of the "normal people" tables. It felt good to be normal again.

When Rachel finally dropped him off back at his apartment, he realized he didn't want the day to be over. "They do this every week, right?" he asked her.

"Yeah," she said brightly, and he hated himself for the triumphant look that took over her face as he suggested they do it every week too.

When she was gone, the emptiness of his apartment crashed back in on him and he returned to his usual routine of sleeping as long as he could in order to avoid his own brain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a little iffy about this, so if you are not, please let me know. I've got five chapters written and want to release them daily, but eventually I might have to drop down to weekly or monthly depending on how busy I get over the summer.
> 
> This fic is heavily inspired by music, but it's not a song fic. For the songs that each chapter is titled for, see the following spotify: https://play.spotify.com/user/nonnieholly/playlist/0ndsCWKOU9Y6P4NDlNL5dS
> 
> Will update as chapters are posted.


	2. Paradise

_Blaine moaned in pain as the sun beamed in through the broken section of blinds. His tiny apartment was a dump and unfortunately facing East. Or West. He wasn't sure which one made the sun come in when and he didn't care. The only upside to his apartment was that it was free, since it was in a condemned building. Mostly no one bothered the few squatters who lived there because they were afraid to enter. Blaine had even jerry-rigged a padlock onto the door of the room so he had a place to keep his stuff. It wasn't much. All he really had were the clothes on his back, two blankets, and his guitar. There was also the secret box he kept under the floorboards, but that was for later. His body was shaking so badly from the withdrawal that he didn't think he'd be able to play._

_He tried anyway, and people passed by without leaving any tips. One couple actually tugged their small child away from him as if they were convinced Blaine had something contagious. As it grew later and he started feeling nausea and pain, he gave in. There was no way anyone was going to tip him. He hadn't seen a mirror lately, but he knew he had to have red, swollen (or sunken, he didn't know) eyes and his ribs were visible when he took his shirt off to shower in the sink at the gas station._

_Staring at the pawn shop, Blaine knew there was no right decision. Once his guitar was gone, he'd have nothing left of value and whatever money he could get for it wouldn't go far. Then again, the withdrawal might kill him. He was already doing way more than some others just to feel normal..._

_"You're not thinking of selling that, are you?" asked a friendly voice. Blaine turned and the kind face seemed taken aback by however he looked. "I heard you playing a few months ago. You're really good."_

_Blaine shrugged. "Gotta eat," he mumbled, but he had no intention of spending any of it on food._

_"Don't sell it," he pleaded emphatically. "I'll buy you dinner, and I'll do you one better- I'll get you a gig."_

_"Thanks, but I can't," Blaine said._

_"It's not charity," the guy promised. "I own a club. You'd be making me money by performing."_

_That sounded... so good. If only Blaine could hold the chords down and sing without gagging on bile. "Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do but-"_

_"If you sell your guitar, what are you going to do then? I'm offering you a steady-"_

_"I can't perform any more, okay?" he snapped. He felt dizzy and was shivering and he couldn't deal with the reality of the situation but this guy seemed intent on making it hard for him._

_"We'll get you a shower, and-"_

_"I need a lot more than a shower," Blaine grumbled._

_"Okay, a hair cut-"_

_"Do you not recognize an addict when you see one?" he asked and picked up his guitar before he could start crying in front of this wannabe do-gooder._

_Unfortunately, the WD-G grabbed his arm. "I can help you with that too," he said gently._

_Blaine felt the tears running down his face anyway and he swayed unsteadily. There was still a hand on his arm and it took every ounce of him not to fold into this stranger. "I can't play high either," he choked out._

_"I meant rehab," said WD-G. "If you want. I'll pay for it if you promise to play at least one gig at my club after."_

_Blaine was too overwhelmed to do anything but nod slightly as he held his breath against the tears. He wasn't sure how much nodding he managed because he passed out shortly after._

After ten days of hell and two months of pouring out what felt like his entire life story, he was finally allowed visitors. That was when he properly met WD-G whose name he learned was Eli. He was actually really great and Blaine actually had to stop himself after the dozenth time he thanked his savior. They talked for hours about the fact that they apparently both came from Ohio and had been in show choir. Eli told him about a great new musical that had come out after a movie, telling Blaine the general premise and laying it on thick about how attractive the lead actor was. "His voice, Blaine, his _voice_!" Eli would enthuse. Blaine only smiled, being happy to have this friend. He wondered if Eli could be more than that to him, but he also knew he needed to fix himself before he could even begin to think about a relationship.

He was in rehab for another six months and then Eli hired him as a bartender. Blaine hadn't forgotten his performance, but he'd asked and Eli had relented when he requested that they delay his performance. Blaine had played as part of his program, and he'd gotten mostly back in shape musically, but his confidence was shaken and he wasn't sure if he could get up in front of the huge crowd Eli's club seemed to draw. That and some of the Doms who came in made it a little hard for him to focus. He'd often realize his face was flushed and his heart was racing- for very different reasons.

Blaine really enjoyed bartending and he also enjoyed the way Eli would get his attention by walking up beside him and placing a hand on the small of Blaine's back while they talked. He could tell a lot of patrons thought he was Eli's sub and it didn't bother him. His do-gooder was very physically affectionate and the young man did not mind at all. He relished in the casual touches and easy way Eli seemed to know exactly what to say to make Blaine smile or feel at ease. This night was no different. "You will never believe who's here!" Eli half-shouted to be heard. Blaine kept mixing the drink he was working on, pouring it out and thanking the customer who put a nice tip on the counter as Blaine put a sprig of mint on the surface of the drink and handed it over. "It's that actor! The one from Star Child! The one that disappeared and we all thought he'd just quit!"

Blaine grinned. "Are you gonna introduce yourself?"

Eli laughed nervously and Blaine knew he was probably giving him heart eyes. Normally confident to a fault, Eli had rare moments of insecurity that endeared him completely to Blaine. "I think he's sitting with Mercedes Jones' boyfriend!"

"There's your in!" Blaine giggled and turned his attention to the patron who had walked up to order a cosmo. He whipped up the sweet drink as quickly as he could and was rewarded with an extra five dollars. "And there's my groceries for the week!" He grinned happily at Eli and felt warm when he returned the look. For the first time in years, Blaine felt the impulse to lean in and kiss him and he immediately cleared his throat and turned away. Eli's hand slid up the other man's back to squeeze his shoulder. "Stick around after. I'll introduce you to Mercedes. She's from Lima!"

Blaine smiled a little, but he was still a little panicked by his reaction to Eli. This was something he'd talked about in rehab. As much as he liked Eli, he wasn't really attracted to him- not in a romantic way. There was no denying the club owner was attractive and he had a smoothness to his dominance that should have made Blaine's knees weak, but the spark just wasn't there. He had to continually remind himself what he'd figured out in therapy: that he felt grateful. His love was for the immense kindness Eli had shown him in helping him get clean, not letting him sell his only important possession. Well, it wasn't the only important one, just the only thing he cared about that would also fetch a price. There was still the box under the floor he had to go back for. God, he hoped the building hadn't been taken down. His guitar was replaceable, but that box was not.

Blaine was in awe of Jones's vocals. He actually didn't notice a customer, but her voice was so powerful and amazing that he didn't even mind the tip he lost. He was actually excited about the prospect of meeting her afterward. He'd never been so excited for the club to empty out. He was just drying his last glass when Eli brought Mercedes and her boyfriend, Blaine guessed, over to the bar. "I dunno about you," Mercedes said to her boyfriend, "but I could use a drink."

Blaine grinned and even laughed when the guy said (in a pretty good Connery impression), "Martini. Shaken, not stirred."

"Coming right up, Mr. Bond," he replied. He grabbed the bottle and gave the guy a second to say he was just playing around but he said nothing so Blaine started making the drink, grabbing a cup for Mercedes as he began to tell her how amazing her voice was and how much he'd enjoyed hearing her perform. He poured ingredients into both of their drinks at once as she laughed and said, "Thank you, and I have to say you're pretty good at making drinks."

Blaine blushed. "I've had plenty of practice." Plus it was fun and he felt good most of the time now. He definitely still had bad days, and his empty apartment was almost exclusively bad, but he loved being the club, mixing drinks, talking to people. "Did Eli ask you about his theatre crush yet?" 

"What?" They both seemed really confused and Blaine quickly started backpedaling, but it was too late. Blaine should've realized Eli was too much of a professional to do something like that. "Tell us about this theatre crush."

"He just thought he saw this actor he really liked sitting with your... boyfriend?" Blaine asked, awkwardly meeting Sam's eyes.

Sam put an arm around Mercedes and grinned. "You mean Rachel Berry?"

Blaine laughed again, a little uncomfortably. Eli chose that moment to walk up and put his hand on Blaine's back. "I hope you're not flirting with my staff too hard," he teased.

"We were just talking about your thing for our very talented friend," Mercedes said and Eli's jaw dropped.

"I can't believe Blaine told you that," he chuckled. "I've been a fan of Kurt ever since the movie came out, but I didn't get a chance to see him in the live performance."

"Oh," Mercedes said and Blaine felt his face getting hot in second hand embarrassment. Were Mercedes and her boyfriend homophobic?

"We thought he meant Rachel," Sam explained. "Kurt's not... I mean, he's kind of..."

"Reclusive," Mercedes finished.

"Well, tell your reclusive friend that I really respect his work and if he ever wants to come back to the club, he's got a VIP room on the house. Same for the pair of you."

"You should probably know Kurt's not looking for a new boyfriend," Mercedes said.

Eli's eyes widened and Blaine felt his face get even redder. "Oh, no! It's nothing like that, I swear! I'm just genuinely a fan. I loved Star Child."

"Well, I'm not really sure if this is his kind of club, but we'll tell him."

Blaine really wished he could turn back the clock and un-say all of it, but it was definitely too late. He was relieved when the couple took their drinks and headed backstage, presumably to the tour bus out back. "I'm so sorry," he apologized. He was such a moron. Why on Earth would he think it was okay for Eli to actually ask a favor like that? "I didn't mean to-"

Eli scratched Blaine's back gently. "It's fine, Blaine. You're totally fine. No harm done."

"Do you need me to clean anything up before I go?" he asked, not quite managing to hide his anxiety.

Eli looked concerned, but he shook his head. "You can go home whenever you want. It really is fine, Blaine. Mercedes and Sam are great. Besides, I don't think she really wanted to perform here. They're not really in the Scene, so it's not like I was expecting repeat business."

Blaine nodded. "I'll see you Monday night." He rushed out, knowing the misstep had been a trigger for him even if Eli wasn't upset about it. He put on his jacket and headphones and turned the volume as loud as he could stand to try to drown out his thoughts. It was the only thing that kept him sober when something affected him this way. He kept them on when he got to his empty apartment. It was nicer than the place he'd squatted, but the extra space just made it seem that much lonelier. He left his headphones in and let the battery on his mp3 player run out as he fell asleep. Hopefully he'd feel better in the morning.


	3. Until You Learn To Love Yourself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd like a playlist of the songs in Blaine's set, it is here: https://play.spotify.com/user/nonnieholly/playlist/1eHyG4isWrJHvnT1h7Lwj4  
> (Quick note that some songs are covers or remixes in these playlists and that is 100% intentional. I know, for example that "Thoughtless" is originally by Korn, but I feel in my soul that Blaine would sing it Amy Lee style.)
> 
> Almost done chapter 7, so there's a nice buffer and I can keep posting daily for a little while.  
> (Thank you for all the kudos! My ego is so fluffy!)

_Kurt had spent the past week just waiting for Saturday. He'd gone on Facebook for the first time since the Day and was amazed to see what all of his friends were up to. Brittany and Santana were engaged, and that was definitely the biggest news. He was happy for them, but he'd rather hear more about Puck's success in pool cleaning than be faced with the reminder of just how empty his apartment was, or how big his bed was, or how quiet his phone. Rachel had taken to texting him every other day to say hi, but they both knew she was worried he might backslide._

_Well, he wasn't. Kurt wasn't what could be described as "good" but he was definitely better, definitely not falling back into the horrible place he'd been a week ago. He put on his new cologne and jeans and his favorite shirt. He opened his jewelry box, but the sight of the elephant brooch was too much and he shut it immediately before he could have his night ruined by memories of happier times that he never expected to experience again._

_He was thrown when he showed his ID to get in and they were escorted to a VIP room. "There must be a mistake," Kurt said. "We didn't-"_

_"It's on the house," the bouncer and inclined his head slightly with a smirk. Kurt was thrown even further._

_"What is going on?" he asked Rachel._

_They didn't have to wait too long for an answer as someone came in about ten minutes later. "Hi, Mr. Hummel!" the man said genially. "I'm Eli Collins. I own Curly's. I guess you got my invite?"_

_Kurt looked questioningly at Rachel who just raised an eyebrow. "Uh..."_

_"Oh," Eli said, looking embarrassed. "Well... I guess not. I asked Miss Jones to extend an offer if you ever wanted to come back."_

_"I don't understand," was all Kurt could say. Something about Eli Collins made him uncomfortable but he couldn't quite put his finger on it._

_"I'm kind of a fan," Eli replied. "And the long hair is definitely a good move, but you're still a bit recognizable and since you're so 'reclusive' to use Miss Jones' word, I thought you might be more likely to come back if you had a bit more privacy."_

_"Oh, er... Thanks, Mr. Collins."_

_"Any time!" Eli grinned._

_As soon as the door shut, Rachel burst out laughing and Kurt grumbled good naturedly back. "He's not going to forget that for a while," she snickered and Kurt actually felt bad for him. "Dom? I'm thinking Dom."_

_"Definitely a Dom," Kurt agreed. That was probably what put him off. It felt like he was being hit on by another Dom. "I need a drink after that."_

_Rachel laughed and Kurt just shook his head in amused disbelief. "Hey, I mean... free upgrade. I guess fame is good for something even when it's played out."_

_As if Kurt's words had carried outside their booth, a man entered and said "Hello," in a really chipper voice. "My name's Blaine and I'm taking drink orders tonight. Did either of you want anything?"_

_"Hi, Blaine," Rachel said and Kurt couldn't help but notice the shy smile the server returned. "I will have whatever is cheapest and does not taste like alcohol."_

_He grinned and turned to Kurt. "I'll skip for now, I think," he said. He hadn't actually meant it when he'd told Rachel earlier that he needed a drink._

_"Judging by Eli's red face when he walked out of here, I was thinking you might need one," he joked, but there was a little nervousness there. When Kurt didn't respond immediately, Blaine looked stricken. "I mean, not that- He's not-"_

_"Relax, Blaine," Kurt said, and was overwhelmed by the need to soothe that worried face. "We just didn't get his invite and were a little confused. How about some nachos?"_

_"Nachos," Blaine repeated, looking only slightly less distressed. "Right. Nachos and something sweet coming right up."_

_"Sub?" Rachel asked once Blaine left, but Kurt didn't reply. Something about their server worried him, and not just because he seemed a bit more nervous than he should be. "Kurt?"_

_"Yeah, sub," he agreed, but his heart wasn't in it._

Kurt had been living for Saturdays now, and he would be lying if he didn't admit that Blaine was part of it. Something about the sub called to him and Kurt probably ordered more than he should just so he could compliment Blaine on each and every one of them. Finally, after two months, they had a different server and Kurt couldn't help but feel disappointed. When he left, Kurt said "I'm thinking switch."

Rachel elbowed him. "You're disappointed Blaine's not here."

"It's not like that," Kurt shook his head. "He just seems... I dunno, sad. I like to try to cheer him up."

"You like him," Rachel insisted.

Kurt gave her a small smile. "Maybe a little. But I'm not ready for anything, so can we just enjoy the music and the eye candy?"

"No arguments here. Did you see the sub with the nipples?"

"Oh, my God. You and nipple piercings," Kurt laughed. "I'm never going to get used to some things about this side of Rachel Berry."

Rachel bit her lip for a moment before saying, "I can't help but notice you didn't order anything."

"Okay, I give. Change the subject!"

Luckily the first band came on then and they mostly listened before Kurt remembered Brittany and Santana. "Did you get an invite to the wedding?"

"I'm not sure if I can go," Rachel admitted.

"Rachel, you cannot leave me alone at a wedding," Kurt told her firmly.

She held up her hands helplessly. "Super secret project! Sometimes I don't know for certain about filming and locations until day of! They own me, Kurt!"

"Just tell them you need the day. It's just one day. Besides, they'll never forgive you if you skip their _wedding_."

"Alright, I'll talk to the producers, but no promises."

"Good. And while we're on the subject-"

Kurt stopped as Eli Collins got on the mic and asked for everyone's attention. "We've got a really special headliner tonight. I know you've all been wondering what all the secrecy's about, well... I am stoked to finally present one of the most talented musicians I know. I first heard him playing for tips out on the sidewalk over a year ago, and you probably first heard him ask what you'd like to drink. In case you missed our best bartender's name, put your hands together for Blaine Anderson!"

Kurt's mouth fell open and he completely forgot to clap as the unassuming sub stepped out onstage and took the microphone from Collins. "How is everyone doing tonight?" he asked and Kurt could hear the discomfort in his voice. A karaoke track played and Blaine started out with a cover of "Addicted to Love" and he had a great voice, but Kurt could tell he wasn't really into it. It wasn't even that Blaine was nervous. That seemed to go away as he sang, but he just... He was just okay.

"Well, I think I just fell out of like," he informed Rachel. 

"He just needs to get into it more," Rachel insisted. "He has a great voice."

"Oh, he definitely does," Kurt agreed. "He just... I don't feel like he has any passion for the music."

"Maybe he just needs some coaching," she suggested and gave him a pointed look.

Kurt rolled his eyes. Sometimes Rachel was a little too much. "But we're going to tell him he's amazing, okay?"

He listened as Blaine did a Britney Spears cover of "I'm a Slave 4 U" and wished he was anywhere else as Rachel continued to shoot him suggestive looks. Blaine seemed even less into this one than the other. It was followed by a song about losing control, a cover of "My Dark Side" that was a bit better, but Kurt couldn't help but think Blaine didn't want to be up there. He completely zoned out as he went into a cover of what sounded like a metal song and almost wanted to leave he was so disappointed. Nothing seemed to match the shy but friendly sub who'd been serving them drinks and nachos. And then the music stopped and Blaine began speaking. "So, this is one that I, um. That I wrote. It's a little bit... acoustic. Humble beginnings and all, like Eli said."

Kurt's face softened as the server was handed a guitar and he was glued as Blaine sang about being a dumb human and feeling lost and insecure and needing someone to love. Blaine was into it now. This was Blaine. Kurt actually shushed Rachel when she tried to say something positive about the song because Blaine was speaking again. "So, a year ago I wasn't doing so well. I think everyone here can relate to that. In whatever circumstances. And I guess... Well, I'm proud to say that I am about ten and a half months sober. So this is... in honor of that." There was applause, but Kurt's heart broke just broke as he went into another Britney cover, this time of "Stronger." Kurt wondered what could possess Eli Collins to employ someone struggling with sobriety as a bartender. Kurt watched in absolute admiration as Blaine sang about his achievement and knew he was done. He was hopeless and he really wanted to get to know Blaine better. If he was honest with himself, he already wanted to be in a contract with him.

And then... "Turning Tables." Was it just a song or was Blaine singing about not wanting to be close to anyone? Kurt barely had time to process his emotional roller coaster that had rushed down to heartbreak again before Blaine was singing about being "sick and tired of being sick and tired" and singing for someone to "sing me a happy song." The upbeat tune was a drastic change from the last and Kurt wondered if he was redirecting, trying to cover up the incredibly emotional song he'd just put out there.

As the song ended, Blaine said "Thank you. You've been amazing, and I'm so happy to have had you as my first real audience. Have a great night!"

He started to leave when someone yelled "Encore!"

Kurt looked at Rachel for the first time since he'd zeroed in on Blaine's performance and she was just as floored as he was. They'd been coming for two months and no one had ever called for more before. Other shouts joined the first and Eli was guiding Blaine back out onstage, smiling. Blaine looked flattered but uncomfortable and Kurt felt that thing he couldn't quite explain rise in his chest again as he watched Eli keep Blaine from leaving. Kurt even thought he saw something in Blaine's face that looked like what he associated with thinking about using a safe word. He played another again, and Kurt was not surprised to hear the opening line of "Would you burn this guitar, stop all the songs, silence my voice from singing?" The whole thing was about pulling him out of himself and filling him with stories of anything besides himself and Kurt's hands clenched into fists, feeling like Eli had forced the sub into something he didn't feel comfortable with. Blaine was into the song, but Kurt was still angry. Rachel touched his arm in concern. "He doesn't want to be up there anymore," Kurt gritted out.

"He's a grown up, Kurt. He can make his own choices."

"Yeah," Kurt agreed, but somehow he felt like maybe Blaine wasn't. The more he saw of Eli, the less he liked him.

His anger melted away however, when Blaine came to see them after. Rachel had begged their server and Kurt guessed Eli had standing orders to keep them happy because there was the blushing, shy face of Blaine not too much later. "You were amazing," Rachel said and Blaine thanked her, but Kurt got the impression he didn't believe her.

"You need to stick to your guitar," Kurt said. "The karaoke tracks aren't you. When you have that guitar... it's magic."

Blaine looked up at him and Kurt wanted to wrap him in a hug. He wanted to kiss the self-consciousness out of him, pull him out of his head just like he sang about. "Thank you," the sub said and Kurt could tell he believed the words. It saddened him to think that Blaine only believed nice things about himself if they were accompanied with criticism. "Sorry I couldn't bring your nachos," he grinned and Kurt wasn't sure, but he thought Blaine might actually be sorry he missed it.

He didn't realize his filters were broken until he'd actually said aloud, "Are you?"

Blaine blushed and he looked a little mortified. "I- I- Yeah, I guess a- a little."

"I was just teasing," Kurt assured him gently and Rachel suddenly had to use the bathroom. Kurt would have rolled his eyes except he was actually glad she'd gone. He was suddenly nervous, but he was going to spend the whole week angsting if he didn't ask. "Would you- Would you maybe like to get coffee some time?"

Blaine lit up and nodded. "I- Yeah. I mean. With you?"

"Yeah," Kurt laughed, feeling his confidence return until Blaine said "Like a date?" Kurt fumbled for words for a moment. "Not if- If that makes you uncomfortable, we could just-"

Blaine smiled and Kurt felt something in him loosen. The sub actually took his hand. "I've got an early appointment on Monday and am definitely going to need some coffee. Or if you want to meet after, I'm going to need some then, too."

Something about seeing Blaine sleepy and in need of coffee first thing in the morning really appealed to Kurt. "How early?"

"Well, the interview's at eight, so probably seven? If that's not too much time?"

Kurt wanted a bit more time, but he also recognized that Blaine might have been trying to keep the first date short in case it went badly. "That would be perfect," he said. He pulled the receipt from his one lone drink that night and scribbled his number on it. "Pick somewhere close to your appointment, let me know, and I'll meet you there."

Blaine beamed at him as he took the receipt. "Yes, Sir."

Kurt had to steady himself at the unexpected honorific. He felt stirrings below his belt for the first time in months. "Good," Kurt smiled once he got over it. "I'll see you Monday."

Once he returned to his apartment and looked at his empty bed, he was overwhelmed with guilt. How could he even think of taking a sub again after the way he'd failed Chandler? Depression pressed in on him again until he only had energy left to take off his jeans and shirt and crawl into bed. He didn't even put the clothes away, just left them crumpled on the floor. This was why he hadn't felt any kind of arousal in months. The crushing loneliness, the complete lack of energy. He pulled out his phone and looked into the folder he'd hidden within three other folders and cried as Chandler smiled back at him. Kurt had had this beautiful, happy sub all to himself, and four years later...

Kurt owed it to Blaine at least to show up and explain. He couldn't just cancel. He'd go. He just wouldn't let himself go again.


	4. Breathe Me

_Blaine could barely contain himself as he met his date for coffee. He was ungodly handsome and slender in his perfect suit. "I'm so glad we did this," he said. Blaine was tingling as his companion ordered for him and pulled out his chair and periodically touched his hand throughout the date. It felt natural to walk together aimlessly after._

_"I don't normally do this, but I was thinking... Do you want to come back to my house?"_

_"Your parents are okay with that?" Blaine asked Sebastian with wide eyes._

_"Well, they're not home. And I wasn't saying we should... do anything. I just... I dunno, I want to be around you."_

_Blaine blushed and followed him to the bus stop. "You know, I did just get this old movie with young Angela Lansbury in it-"_

_Sebastian just chuckled and looked at him fondly. "We had better watch it, then."_

Blaine woke in a sweat as his alarm went off and he hurried into the shower, turning it all the way cold to shock his brain into oblivion. It was the morning of his date with Kurt and what had he been thinking scheduling a date right before a job interview? If it went badly, how was he going to go to a job interview after? Even worse, if it went really well... what if he was in the kind of almost sub space he got in spending too much time around Dom/mes and couldn't assert himself? It always took him forever to come down from there. He couldn't cancel now, though. If Kurt hadn't already left, he'd at least be about ready to.

Blaine was a nervous wreck by the time he got to the cafe and opted for chamomile instead of his usual medium drip. Kurt was already seated in a corner and Blaine had another miniature freak out as he worried he was late. He wasn't. Kurt was just early. He sat down across from him and tried to smile, but Kurt saw right through him. He pushed the cup in Blaine's hand down and cupped it in both of his, grounding him a little. "Everything okay?" Kurt asked calmly.

"Just nervous," Blaine said.

"Because of me?"

Blaine shook his head and suddenly he was pouring out the whole story about the interview and how stupid it had been to schedule a date beforehand. "What's the interview for?" Kurt asked, and Blaine was completely thrown.

"I'm not a hundred percent sure," Blaine admitted and his brain started clearing up as he detailed the completely unbelievable amount of secrecy about who was doing this film and how he only knew what studio was doing it. "I confirmed on the internet that the calls I was getting were actually from the studio." He was sure Kurt knew as well as he did that there were some seedy people out there. "It's nothing too special. I think I'm just going to be a kind of gopher or someone's assistant," he finished.

"That sounds great," Kurt beamed and Blaine suddenly realized the Dom had completely calmed his down and taken his mind off it without making him feel submissive. "Do you want to work in film then?"

Blaine shrugged, feeling at ease even though Kurt had released his hand. "I did some theatre in high school, but I don't think I'd want to do it if it weren't a musical."

"I'd love to see you in a musical," Kurt grinned and Blaine believe he actually would. 

"Are you from Ohio?" Blaine asked suddenly. "Eli said Mercedes was from Ohio and I know that doesn't mean-"

"Mercedes and I went to high school together," Kurt confirmed. "We met in Glee club."

"Right," Blaine nodded and suddenly realized he still hadn't heard Kurt sing. "I'm going to have to actually rent your movie or something because... Confession time, I haven't seen it."

Relief washed through him when Kurt actually smiled at that. "That's kind of a relief, actually. I'm always a little petrified of my reputation preceding me. Especially because that character could not be more different than me."

"Noted," Blaine nodded. 

"Can I ask you something personal?" Kurt said suddenly and Blaine immediately felt defensive until Kurt said, "You don't have to answer." He nodded, and Kurt said, "You're almost a year sober."

"Don't want to jinx it," Blaine said. He was trying to joke, and he wanted to be open about his sobriety, but talking about it made him feel raw and uncomfortable even though he was proud of himself.

"Why do you work in a bar?"

"Oh," Blaine said. He wasn't sure if this was better or worse than what he expected. Well, might as well scare Kurt off before Blaine could get too attached. "Alcohol was never really a problem for me... I was addicted to... harder stuff."

"Oh." If the news put Kurt off, he didn't show it. "Thank you for being honest with me."

Blaine nodded, feeling a little too pleased by the casual praise. "Can I ask a personal question?" he said, adding "You don't have to answer either." Kurt nodded. "Why did you quit acting?"

For the first time since Blaine sat down, Kurt seemed less than put together and he seemed not quite able to find his words. "It's okay," Blaine said. "Never mind."

"No, it's fine," Kurt said, solid again if not confident. "I, um. I had a sub for about four years. We were really serious, and it ended... as badly as it could have possibly ended."

"I'm sorry," Blaine breathed, suddenly realizing his question was far more personal than he'd thought.

Kurt smiled sadly. "I should warn you now that I'm not exactly put back together. I might not be... good for you."

Blaine knew he was giving the Dom the saddest heart eyes he'd ever given anyone right now. "I'm willing to find out if you are," he said quietly. "I'm not exactly put back together either. Maybe I won't be good for you."

Kurt shook his head. "You are plenty good. I can tell, and I like to think I'm not being arrogant when I say that I'm good at reading people."

"I don't think you are," Blaine agreed. "Saturday night at the club, you knew exactly what to say to me. That was, um. That was the first night I actually went home happy. Not that I'm a depressed blob all the time or anything, just... I'm not usually all the way up at happy."

"Then I think we should definitely try this out," Kurt agreed. Blaine was grateful when Kurt steered the topic back to lighter things, musical theatre mostly, and it was time for his interview far sooner than he was ready for it to be. 

"Now I really wish I hadn't scheduled this before," Blaine lamented. "I don't want to leave."

"Well, I've got some things I need to get done that really only require wi-fi. I'll probably do them here and if you want, I'll probably still be here when you're done."

Blaine only smiled in amazement. How did Kurt know exactly what to say and what Blaine wanted? He nodded. "That sounds good. I'll swing by in a bit and hope you didn't get it all done yet."

Kurt returned the completely smitten look Blaine was sending out and he actually bumped into a chair on his way out the door. He tried not to look, but he couldn't help shrugging at the Dom and was glad he did. There was an amused fondness in his eyes that made Blaine feel cozy all over. He was walking on sunshine by the time he got to his interview.

He made sure to grip the woman's hand firmly who was interviewing him. "So, Mr. Anderson, how did you hear about the position?"

"I got an email inviting me to interview," he said. 

"Oh," she said and Blaine got the impression her entire attitude toward him just changed. "Well, have you had any experience as an assistant?"

"I was a PA for someone back in Ohio, but he's since retired and I'm honestly not sure how to reach him," Blaine invented wildly. Being a sub was basically like being a PA, right? The amount of abuse he took from Sebastian would make anything some director or writer or whoever pale in comparison. He could handle anything. 

"That's alright," she said. "Now, you'd be assisting someone fairly important in our production. Do you drive?"

Blaine thought for a moment. "I haven't needed to in a while, so I let my license lapse. I could get it renewed, though."

She made a note. "We can work with that. You'd be expected to run errands, mostly, pick up groceries, dry cleaning, anything else that's asked of you. Be aware we have a strict sexual harassment policy, which includes clauses that say you don't have to pick up anything for the client for bedroom use, and you don't have to accompany them on any private occasions."

"Okay," Blaine said, trying not to react to the phrase 'bedroom use.'

"Other than that, the main thing is that you need to be available on the phone 24/7. The client might specify differently, but we only hire people who can drop everything. You will be well compensated, of course, as we recognize this precludes other employment."

Blaine nodded, wondering if he really wanted to leave Eli and the club. Technically, he'd done the performance he'd agreed to in exchange for Eli covering rehab, but it felt awful to just walk out on him. "Do I get to know anything about the client or the project before I decide?" he asked.

She seemed floored that he didn't want to accept it on the spot. "I'm afraid I can't reveal anything until you've been hired and signed an NDA."

"NDA?" Blaine repeated.

"Non-disclosure agreement," she said, eyes narrowed as if she had no idea how he'd been invited to interview. "It means you're legally prohibited from mentioning anything about the project to anyone who has not signed an NDA."

"Oh," said Blaine. He'd be stupid to turn the job down. It was only for a few months, and he could go back to the club after. Eli would forgive him. It was temporary. "Okay. That sounds good, then."

"Can you wait here just a second?" she asked. He nodded and she barely seemed to notice. Was he about to get a job? Was he about to sign some kind of contract that said he couldn't talk about the job he was being offered? She returned a few minutes later with a packet and sure enough, it had NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT in very bold font at the top. "We are prepared to offer you the job. All you have to do is sign the agreement and we'll introduce you to the client you'll be assisting."

Blaine nodded, feeling a little overwhelmed and terrified now that the interview had turned into a giant commitment. It was too late to back out now, though, so he glanced over the pages, his focus at pretty much zero. "Do I get a copy of this?" he asked, knowing he'd want to look it over better later even though he doubted he'd have any problems if he just didn't say anything. 

"Of course," she nodded and he signed. As soon as he put the pen down, she opened the door and none other than Rachel Berry swept in.

"Blaine!" Rachel said excitedly. "You have no idea how excited I am you took the job!"

"Wait, am I your assistant?" he asked, confused.

"I'm sorry! I couldn't tell you it was me because the studio name is one of the things I can't say to anyone without a signed NDA."

Blaine was still a little shocked, but he managed to smile. The hiring agent stepped out of the office, presumably to get more forms. Rachel immediately pulled him into a hug. "You have no idea how relieved I am to get you," she said genuinely. "They are literally forcing me to have an assistant and I don't want some stranger following me around, having my number."

Blaine actually laughed a little. "What exactly is the big secret everyone's so concerned about?" he asked. "I mean... That was a really serious contract to just basically say I'll keep my mouth shut."

"Oh my god, and I can finally _talk_ to someone about it!" she gushed. "They're remaking West Side Story and I'm playing Maria!"

"Oh my god!" Blaine blurted out. He tried to come up with something else to say, but he just repeated "Oh my god!"

"I know!" she squealed. "Blaine, I have been dying. As soon as you finish the paperwork, we have to go get lunch or something."

Blaine froze. "Uh."

"What? What's wrong?"

"I sort of met Kurt for coffee this morning."

"I know, do you have any idea how hard it was not to tell him you were interviewing for me? Did it not go well?"

"No, it went... really, really well. So well that he's actually doing some work in the cafe and I was going to go back and meet him after."

"What work?" Rachel said.

"I dunno, something requiring wi-fi."

Rachel actually laughed. "Oh, sweetie, he is on Facebook killing time."

Blaine paled when he realized Kurt was waiting around with nothing to do. "But-"

"He likes you, Blaine. A lot. Honestly, I'm kind of floored he even asked you out."

"Because he's still not over the breakup?" Blaine asked.

Rachel's eyebrows rose. "Yeah," she said, but Blaine got the idea there was something he wasn't being told. Well, Kurt could tell him when he wanted to. It wasn't his business, not really. They were allowed secrets. "I'll take a rain check on lunch. Anything that gets Kurt out of his apartment is a priority for me."

Blaine smiled gratefully at her and she hugged him again. "Oh my god, Blaine, you have no idea how happy you're making me right now."

He just blushed and told her he was glad. His interviewer returned with a packet and Rachel left him with her number and instructions to text her when he was done with the paperwork. "And make sure you say it's you! I don't have your number yet, remember!"

He nodded and tried not to look too giddy in the face of the very businesslike woman pointing at places for him to sign. He couldn't wait to tell Kurt he'd gotten the job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nine chapters written. Such angst. You don't even know.


	5. Blackbird

_Kurt returned to his empty apartment, transfixed by the red pattern on the bedroom wall. He felt sick and numb but his grief was locked away somewhere. He cursed loudly as he stepped on the roses he'd dropped when he walked in on Chandler in the middle of the act. The sharp sting in the bottom of his foot finally set the waterworks going and he fell to his knees, gathering the bouquet and shoving it in the trash as he howled his rage and felt even more hopeless as a neighbor banged on the wall and told him to keep it down._

_He grabbed a pillow and sobbed into it so they wouldn't call the police on him. He cried himself to sleep, curled up on the floor, unable to lay in the bed._

Kurt saw the event for Brittany and Santana's wedding in his Facebook events and suddenly he wasn't dreading it quite so much. It was definitely too early to invite Blaine, but he wasn't so uncomfortable going stag anymore since he didn't feel like he'd be stag in real life. Blaine was charming and Kurt just hoped their kinks matched a bit since the rest of them already seemed to match so well. His heart fluttered when Blaine returned with a huge smile on his face. 

"It went well then?" Kurt asked smugly. "I thought it might."

"I had to sign a contract that says I can't talk about it," Blaine told him, "but I did get the job and you are going to lose it when I can finally tell you what I'm doing."

Kurt pocketed his phone. "And how long do you think I'll have to wait for that?"

Blaine's face went blank. "I dunno... It could be a while, actually. I'm not really sure."

"Well, then we'll have to find something else to talk about," Kurt said and stood, offering his hand to the sub who took it as if he'd been commanded. "How do you feel about exploring?"

"I feel good about anything with you," Blaine said and Kurt felt his cheeks heat up even though it had been a perfectly innocent statement. "Oh, no, I didn't- I meant-"

"I know," Kurt soothed. He smirked a little. "You're cute when you babble."

It was Blaine's turn to blush as Kurt tugged him out of the cafe and down the street. Blaine hovered a little close as they walked and Kurt liked it a lot. He hoped very much that Blaine enjoyed physical affection. Kurt was already thinking of dozens of different casual and family-friendly ways he wanted to touch Blaine. They stopped for a crosswalk and he took the opportunity to cross two off the list by brushing some imaginary lint from Blaine's shoulder and tucking a stray lock of hair behind his ear. Blaine seemed to blossom under the attention and Kurt thrilled to see it. The walk sign lit up and they hurried across before slowing down again. Kurt spotted a barber shop and wondered if Blaine was really attached to his long hair. "How do you feel about my hair?" Kurt asked. "Specifically me getting it cut?"

Blaine's eyes widened. "I think you'd look good either way."

"So you wouldn't be upset, for example, if I walked into that barber there and got it all cut off?"

Kurt couldn't help but grin in amusement as Blaine continued to give him a blank look of something close to shock. "No? If you want it short, then I want it short."

Squeezing Blaine's hand, he smiled again. "I think I'll wait until I'm not wasting valuable date time," he decided.

Blaine's attention suddenly shifted. "Is that a park?"

Kurt looked over and, sure enough, there was a small park. He could tell Blaine wanted to go, so he tugged him toward it. There was a shady spot on the far end with a bench sitting underneath a weeping willow. "How about over there?" Kurt asked. Blaine nodded and Kurt soon found himself seated on the bench with Blaine leaning back against his chest, encircled by Kurt's arms. He buried his nose in Blaine's hair, loving how natural such an intimate position felt with Blaine.

Blaine was tracing gentle lines over Kurt's arms, sending chills to his spine and raising goosebumps. "You know," Blaine said. "I still haven't heard you sing."

Kurt laughed a little. He kissed Blaine's hair and felt the man sigh happily. "Do you really want to hear that?"

"More than anything," Blaine breathed. 

Kurt searched around in his brain for a moment before singing, softly, just for Blaine, "Yeah, I'll tell you something I think you'll understand. When I say that something, I wanna hold your hand.... I wanna hold your hand. I wanna hold your hand." He smiled as Blaine turned slightly as if to hear better as Kurt sang a bit more. "How was that?"

Blaine turned all the way around, eyes shining a little. "Perfect."

Kurt touched his face, feeling his own eyes start to shine. "Would it be alright if I kissed you?" he asked. Blaine nodded and Kurt leaned forward as slowly as he could manage and pressed his lips to Blaine's. The sub melted against the Dom, and Kurt pulled him close as the kissing seemed to naturally draw itself out. He pulled away suddenly, a little breathless. "I think we should probably stop before this stops being family-friendly. We are in a park, after all."

"Do you want to go somewhere else?" Blaine asked.

"I think we should take it slow," Kurt replied. "I'm not even sure if this is our first or second date."

"Second," Blaine insisted a little deliriously and Kurt giggled.

He leaned in and kissed Blaine's ear lobe. "You're a little bit irresistible like this," he told him in a low voice and Blaine actually moaned quietly. Kurt pulled away, determined not to tease anymore, and ran his fingers through the loose curls on Blaine's head. "I also don't take anyone home without at least a verbal contract," Kurt said, determined to get serious for a moment. "Neutral ground makes it a lot easier to think clearly and make sure everyone gets what they want. I've heard horror stories of subs who agreed to things they didn't want simply because they didn't think a Dom would let them leave."

Blaine seemed to have sunk into himself and Kurt rubbed his back. "Is that okay, Blaine?" The sub snapped back to attention and nodded, but Kurt only frowned. "Where did you go just now?"

"I was right here," Blaine replied quickly enough that Kurt knew he just didn't want to answer the question.

"You can always tell me you don't want to talk about something," Kurt promised. "But please don't avoid answering."

"I-" Blaine swallowed and Kurt waited patiently, knowing he was about to hear something important. "I was in a contract too. He was... a big reason I got addicted."

"Did he hurt you?" Kurt asked softly. There was fury in his chest, but he kept it expertly hidden there, not on his face. Blaine nodded and Kurt kissed his cheek. "Thank you for trusting me."

"Do you... How do you prefer to dole out punishments?" Blaine asked anxiously.

Kurt tried not to react but it worried him that this was the first thing Blaine asked and that he seemed almost afraid of the answer. "I prefer not to," Kurt replied honestly. "I'm not a sadist, just a Dom."

"Would you if- if I wanted you to?"

Kurt thought for a moment. "Lasting damage is a hard limit for me. So is any kind of bloodplay, electricity, fire-"

"Just spanking," Blaine agreed. "Maybe a crop."

"I can do that," Kurt said. 

"It helps center me," Blaine told him. 

Kurt nodded. "How do you feel about caressing? Gentle cuddling like this?"

"I like it," Blaine said.

"What about possessive handling?"

"I like it a lot," Blaine blushed.

"If it gets rough?"

"Even better," Blaine said, sounding a little breathy. "I really like feeling _owned_."

Kurt had to swallow and take a deep breath. "Noted," he replied. "I want us both to get tested even if we don't do anything right away."

"Agreed."

"Do you have any limits I should know about?"

"No name calling," Blaine said with certainty. "Dirty talk is great, but no cockslut or whore."

"Anything else?"

Blaine thought about it for a moment. "If you tie me up, don't leave me alone."

"Of course not," Kurt said, appalled. "Did your last Dom do that?"

"Sometimes."

"That's..." Kurt was having a hard time staying calm this time. "That's incredibly dangerous. Anything can go wrong. You could've been hurt or worse."

Blaine folded into him and Kurt calmed a little. "Thank you for worrying about me, Sir," Blaine said and Kurt calmed completely at the reminder of his role.

He stroked Blaine's hair and planted another kiss there. "My only other limits are that we keep our relationship vanilla in public," Kurt said and Blaine nodded against the Dom's neck, "and we don't switch. Ever."

"Why would we switch?" Blaine asked. "Are you a switch?"

Kurt shook his head. "Sometimes people switch to know what their partner is going through. I've subbed before and I'm willing to sub again if I think I'm losing perspective, but I don't ever want you to have to Dom me."

"I could if you wanted me-"

"No," Kurt said firmly. "This is a hard limit for me."

"Okay," Blaine agreed. "Can we go somewhere private now?"

Kurt sighed. "I do mean it when I say I would like nothing more," he began, "but I think we should both take a step back to catch our breath and not rush into this too quickly."

"Can we kiss some more?" Blaine negotiated.

Kurt chuckled and pressed a quick one to Blaine's lips which bent into a pout, making the Dom smile again. "You make it very hard to say no," Kurt told him and kissed him more slowly this time.

They kissed until they heard some kids laughing as they entered the park and decided it was probably time to start heading back.

"One thing first," Blaine said as Kurt started to move. He stopped and waited for Blaine's request. "Can I take a picture of us? Like this?"

Kurt kissed Blaine's cheek. "Only if you text it to me so I have it too."

Blaine grinned and pulled out his phone, leaning in to Kurt as the Dom wrapped his arm around Blaine's waist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Working on chapter 11. Eventually I will hit a dry spell. You'll thank me for hoarding them from you later.


	6. My Skin

_Blaine clenched his jaw as the punishment slowly grew less and less bearable. He knew if he could just power through, that would make the aftercare so much sweeter, it always did, but he heard himself sobbing and the pain was just pain right now. It didn't take anything away. It only felt like it was adding to his worries. It was, actually. Another crack and Sebastian's whip stung another line on his ass. He couldn't take a punishment just like he couldn't take back the disrespectful thing he'd said. It didn't matter that he didn't mean to be rude about Sebastian's friends. He'd done it, and there was no undoing it. "Sebastian," he choked out, his Dom's name being the safe word they agreed upon since there was no reason for him to use it in a scene._

_"Are you safewording during a punishment, Blaine?" the Dom asked and Blaine nodded, crying not from relief that the beating had stopped but in disappointment with himself for not being able to take it. "Then the rest of your punishment will have to be less intense." He crumpled into a miserable heap as the Dom left the room without another word._

Blaine grinned as Rachel took the two coffees he'd brought her and asked him to sit. She hadn't told him one was for him, but he should have known. He loved working for Rachel because she made it seem far less like a job and more like a platonic version of what he hoped to have with Kurt. She wasn't quite as in tune with Blaine as Kurt was, but he didn't mind. Mostly, she just doled out hugs and casual touches, and had him perform simple tasks like picking up the coffee they were now drinking as they enthused about the morning's filming and almost everything else. He wondered if she knew just how much he was being paid. Probably. She did say something about not wanting some stranger taking home that much money for bringing her coffee. He guessed she liked their chats, too, and Blaine really felt like they were friends now.

"So is it weird that we're friends like this when I'm friends with the guy trying to sweep you off your feet?" Rachel asked during a lull.

"It doesn't feel weird," Blaine shrugged.

"Good," she nodded. "Because I like both of you- but I swear I'm not telling either of you anything. Unless you ask me to. Or you need some kind of push because trust me sometimes Kurt can be a little oblivious."

Blaine actually laughed. "He seems exactly the opposite of oblivious to me."

"Oh?"

Blaine smiled mostly to himself. "It's like he's inside my head sometimes. He just knows."

Rachel didn't quite smile. "I'm not saying don't trust him," she told him. "Just... make sure you don't act like he can read your mind. I'm not just worried about you, I'm worried about him too. He takes it really hard when he crosses a line, even if it's not his fault."

"I can understand that," Blaine replied honestly. He practically had a melt down any time he misspoke. He couldn't imagine what it would do to him to actually hurt someone. "I guess that's why he doesn't like anything too hard."

"Okay, I'm going to stop you right there," Rachel held up her hands. "I love you both, but I don't want any help picturing your alone time."

Blaine realized immediately that he shouldn't have said that. It was something personal, something Kurt had told him in confidence, it just didn't seem _that_ personal, and he couldn't imagine secrets between Kurt and Rachel- especially when she knew him so much better than Blaine did, but that didn't mean... He looked up as Rachel grabbed his hand. "I don't think he'll care," she soothed. "And I'm not going to tell anyone."

He smiled weakly, but his mind was already spiraling. "Thanks."

"So when is your next date?"

"Tonight," Blaine told her and immediately knew he was going to tell Kurt about the beans he spilled without thinking.

She gave him a suggestive smirk. "Going anywhere special?"

"He's going to let me cook for him." Blaine had spent most of the day yesterday planning, wanting it to be perfect and amazing, but maybe not too amazing because he would need to top it later and not set an impossible standard. "At my place."

She spent a few more minutes teasing him about getting lucky before they were called out of Rachel's trailer onto the set. The studio was so concerned about keeping everything top secret that they had built an outdoor basketball court inside. Rachel was calling for the two male leads to stop fighting, but Blaine almost didn't notice her as he pictured Kurt shoving him roughly into that metal fence, holding him by the neck, and touching him. He pictured being forbidden from coming, tangling his fingers into the metal as Kurt turned him and fucked him until he was almost crying as he begged for permission.

Blaine turned dark red and crossed his legs. He really hoped this date went well. He really hoped Kurt would punish him for what he accidentally told Rachel. He wondered if he and Kurt could somehow sneak onto this set... No, Kurt would probably realize the set was part of the project and Blaine was pretty sure locations were a thing the contract said he couldn't talk about. Besides, this was the first time Kurt had been willing to meet in private, away from "neutral ground." They were nowhere near that kind of scene if Kurt was serious about taking their relationship as slowly as they had been.

Rachel wished him luck at the end of the day, looking as excited as Blaine felt. The best part was the he got the impression she was happy for him and not just for Kurt.

The Dom arrived just as Blaine was pulling the steaks he'd made from the oven and he smiled as he answered the door with his oven mitts tucked hurriedly under one arm. Kurt's eyes immediately fell to the puffy evidence and looked pleased. Blaine wanted to feel good about the unspoken praise, but instead he just remembered what he'd accidentally told Rachel. "Five more minutes," Blaine informed him as he went to setting the table. Kurt stood awkwardly for a moment before sitting and Blaine was relieved. Serving his Dom generally made Blaine feel good, but right now it was the only thing helping at all with his guilt. It shouldn't be a big deal. He knew that. It was something his therapist had gone over with him extensively in rehab, but eventually Blaine just started agreeing when he didn't because repeating affirmations to himself didn't really help and it only made him feel defective to be reminded that he couldn't control his own brain.

Kurt loved the steak and Blaine knew the broccoli and rice was perfectly seasoned without being told, but it was nice anyway. What was less nice was the moment of truth where Kurt asked why Blaine had barely touched his own food. He hadn't even thought about whether or not Kurt would be truly upset about it. Kurt had said he didn't like hard discipline, but was he referring only to playful punishment? What if Kurt had thought Blaine was talking about play? It took a lot of effort to get the words out and Kurt listened patiently.

The Dom was perfectly calm as he said, "Okay. I would like you to finish as much of your plate as you can, and then lay across my lap for a spanking."

Blaine quickly took a bite, though he wasn't entirely reassured by the unreadable quality of Kurt's voice. The steak was probably the best he'd ever cooked, but he could only stomach half of it before he put his fork down and looked nervously at the impassive Dom. Seeming to realize Blaine had eaten as much as he could, Kurt pushed his chair back expectantly. Mechanically, Blaine crossed and laid across Kurt's lap. He unbuttoned his jeans to expose his ass, without waiting to be asked. Kurt's hand rested solidly at the base of Blaine's spine and that in itself was reassuring. Sebastian never would have given him that kind of warning. The hand (or, more frequently, belt) was never in a place Blaine could sense unless it was hitting him.

Kurt rubbed his back gently as he spoke. "Since you didn't do it on purpose, and since no harm was done," Kurt said, and Blaine wasn't sure if he was trying to sink the words in or draw out the wait, "You're only getting five. Does that sound fair?"

"Yes, Sir," Blaine agreed, but he couldn't convince his muscles to relax. The first blow hit him squarely on one cheek and air rushed out of him. It stung, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. He'd feel it tomorrow, but that was the point. Kurt hit him on the other side and then rubbed gently at the marks. Blaine let out another breath, feeling himself get turned on by the experience. Punishments weren't supposed to be pleasurable, and- He didn't have to worry as the third blow landed. It stung a little worse and shut down his worry over the reaction his body was having. By the time Kurt was rubbing at the fourth sting, Blaine was in such a twisted amalgam of pain and arousal that he wanted nothing more than to crawl inside the Dom and never come out. He wasn't sure if he wanted to be fucked or cuddled, but he definitely liked the confusion.

Kurt rubbed tenderly at the fifth blow, right in the middle, and then up to Blaine's back. The sub followed with his body as Kurt tilted him up by the chin. He kissed Blaine's forehead. "Do you have some lotion?" he asked and told Blaine to fetch it once the sub nodded. Compulsively, he knelt beside Kurt's chair as he offered it up. The Dom took Blaine's hand along with the lotion and pulled him up and led him to the couch.

Kurt sat first, and said "Lay face-down across my lap."

Blaine complied and relaxed completely as Kurt began massaging the cold lotion onto the warm bruises. He was no longer confused about whether he wanted to be fucked or cuddled. With every extra application of lotion that Kurt rubbed in, Blaine got harder and harder and he could feel Kurt having a similar reaction. Finally, Kurt set the lotion on the side table, but he didn't stop massaging. "How do you feel, honey?"

Blaine just moaned incoherently in response. Kurt's hand stilled as if waiting. Right. Kurt didn't like when Blaine refused to answer questions, though Blaine hadn't refused or lied. He'd just been a bit... non-verbal. "I wouldn't mind if you fucked me here and now," Blaine suggested.

The lotion had left Blaine thoroughly greasy and one of Kurt's fingers dipped between his cheeks, running along the crack, spreading some lotion between them. "How do you feel about what you were punished for?" Kurt clarified, and Blaine did not mind that he was being rewarded for answering, but it was going to be hard to answer thoughtfully as his hips bucked back against Kurt's hand without his permission.

"Please, Sir-"

Kurt removed his hand completely and Blaine whined. "Do you feel like your punishment fit the crime, Blaine?" He nodded, eager for Kurt to keep touching him. Kurt had grabbed the lotion again and seemed to be examining it. Once he was satisfied with whatever he'd been looking for, Kurt squeezed some more out and rubbed it into Blaine's crack, circling his entrance with a too-light touch. The Dom shushed him and ordered, "Hold still."

Blaine put all of his effort forth and managed to keep from moving as Kurt pressed in one, then two fingers. "Breathe, honey," Kurt reminded him and soon Blaine was panting heavily as the Dom essentially massaged him from the inside.

"Sir, please-" Blaine whined. "I don't know how much-"

"Come whenever you like, sweetheart," Kurt told him and a few seconds later, Blaine was doing just that. He knew he was moving, and he didn't care about disobeying the order. All he was concerned about was the absolutely shattering sensation tearing through his body, and then he was floating, concerned about nothing. Kurt was rubbing his back gently as he came down and apologized in a dazed voice for not remaining still. "When I tell you to come, that cancels out anything else," Kurt whispered and nudged Blaine to turn onto his hip so Kurt could pull him up against his chest and kiss him.

Blaine was still glowing, but he remembered Kurt had been hard as well. "Sir?" he asked, and had to pause as Kurt kept kissing him.

"What is it, Blaine?" Kurt asked after a few more kisses.

"I want to touch you."

Kurt let out an unsteady breath and nodded after a moment as if he wanted to give Blaine a chance to take it back. Blaine beamed at the permission and reached immediately for Kurt's jeans. They were tight and he was careful as he freed the erection he'd felt earlier. Kurt's cock seemed to swell a little more once it was out of the tight jeans and Blaine swallowed. If he hadn't just come, he'd be hard again just at the sight of it. He settled for licking up the underside, teasing at first, but quickly graduating to his whole tongue and then his mouth. Kurt was tense from holding back but he couldn't stop himself from grabbing Blaine's hair when the sub managed to take in the entire length of Kurt's cock. "Fuck, Blaine. God-" he was moaning and Blaine continued to take all of Kurt's cock down his throat so that he could be sure if he told him later that he didn't have to control his urge to thrust when Blaine blew him.

The sub's cock almost twitched as a chill ran through him at the thought of Kurt gripping his hair and using his mouth. Soon, Kurt was coming and Blaine was licking him clean, kissing his hips, until Kurt pulled him up to hold him and kiss his lips. "That was so good, Blaine," Kurt praised. "You were wonderful."

Blaine melted into the kiss, wrapping his arms behind Kurt's shoulders, hoping the other man might stay the night even though he hadn't brought an overnight bag. Again, Blaine felt like Kurt was reading his mind when he asked a few minutes later, "Do you want me to stay?"

Blaine nodded emphatically and eventually they relocated to the bed where Blaine could have the whole-body contact he'd been craving earlier. They'd both stripped down to their boxers, and Kurt had taken off his shirt. Blaine was thankful he'd said nothing about Blaine's desire to keep his on. Kurt's chest was smooth and comforting as Blaine rested his head on it, feeling safe and loved as Kurt's arms wrapped around him. He fell into the best sleep he'd probably ever had not long after.


	7. To Let You See Me

_Darkness parted and revealed Chandler's concerned and tear stained face leaning over him. "Kurt, oh my god!" he wept, pulling the Dom into his arms. "I thought you were dead! I thought-"_

_Kurt tried to comfort his sub, but his body didn't want to obey. Instead he said, "It's okay, I'm here, it's okay," and tried to remember why his voice was so raspy. The sound of his voice only seemed to distress the sub further, so Kurt ordered him to lay down and hold him. Kurt leaned his head against Chandler's and kept silent, not wanting to trigger him again. Slowly his sub calmed down so that he could dress Kurt and answer the door when the paramedics arrived. He was horrified when they wouldn't let Chandler ride in the ambulance with them and he couldn't argue as they covered his face with an oxygen mask. Tears leaked from his eyes as he flexed his weak hand and tried not to think about how empty it was._

Kurt woke first, feeling slightly alarmed by the dream he'd been having. This was his subconscious rebelling against him being in another relationship. He wondered how long he could ignore it, or if he could just talk it out with Rachel. He didn't want to bother Blaine with it. He just wanted to put it behind him. Logically, he knew he'd have to tell Blaine eventually. He knew that he would want Blaine to tell him something like this. It all felt so impossible, though, and suddenly he realized Blaine was awake and staring at him.

"Trying to plan an escape?" he asked and Kurt knew it was supposed to be a joke, but he could feel the insecurity in the slight way Blaine had pulled away.

Running his fingers through the sub's hair, Kurt just sighed. "Just thinking." That had been the wrong thing to say and Kurt knew it immediately when Blaine looked away, so he amended the statement. "About how best to go about not screwing this up. Last night was amazing."

Blaine looked back at him again. "I don't think you can," he answered and Kurt believed he meant it. This just-woken Blaine was somehow even more open and trusting than the one Kurt had already seen. "You always seem to know exactly what I'm thinking. Exactly what I need to hear."

"Don't give me too much credit, Blaine," Kurt whispered. "I'm not a mind reader, and I do need you to tell me when something's wrong."

Blaine giggled. "That's what Rachel said, too." 

It suddenly occurred to Kurt that Blaine and Rachel had obviously spent time together. Yesterday. He'd been so focused on making sure Blaine didn't beat himself up that he'd forgotten to really think about what the sub had done. "Wait. Have you been hanging out with Rachel without me?"

Blaine paled and Kurt kicked himself. "It wasn't- I-"

"It's okay," Kurt promised. "You're allowed to have a life outside of me. I'd prefer if you did, actually. I just didn't know you and Rachel were friends like that."

Blaine relaxed and cuddled back into Kurt's side, setting off a cloud of butterflies in the Dom's stomach. "See? You always know what to say."

"Blaine, I think we should talk," Kurt said and he knew before Blaine pulled away that it was going to scare him, but it needed to happen and there was no use beating around the bush. He shifted a bit, saying "And I'd like to sit up to do it," to try to soften the blow as he pulled away from the sub.

"I didn't mean to imply I wouldn't speak up if I had to," he mumbled.

"I know, Blaine," Kurt assured him. "But there are some things I'd like you to know, that I'd like to tell you. About my last sub. If you're willing to hear them."

Blaine was awake now and Kurt shifted uncomfortably as he realized he had Blaine's undivided attention. "Okay."

Kurt swallowed. "When I said it ended as badly as it could have, I meant that," Kurt told Blaine. "I'm not perfect and I won't always know something's wrong. Chandler was hurting and I was doing the musical so I wasn't around enough to truly help him. No matter how much I assured him or tried to tell him I forgave him, he never believed me because I wasn't around, and because I didn't notice the effect it was having on him."

"So he broke up with you?" Blaine asked in a small voice.

"I walked in on him with a gun in his mouth," Kurt said in a tight voice and he looked away. "I tried to talk him down, tell him it wasn't his fault, but he'd already decided, and-" Kurt accepted the hug Blaine wrapped him in as he remembered the awful loud sound of the gun and started to cry. "I'm not perfect, Blaine. Please do not trust me, not without question."

"I'm not perfect either," Blaine whispered. "And I don't need you to be."

Kurt sucked in a breath and pulled away, forcing himself to be calm. "I want you to know," he insisted. "He killed himself because of me. Because of what I did, and what I wanted. And even now the better part of me is begging me to let you go and not find some way to hurt you too."

"Hey," Blaine said, and Kurt felt small as his sub started to comfort _him_. "I don't believe that. I don't believe you'd ever do anything to hurt anyone."

"Not intentionally," Kurt agreed. "Not knowingly, but he started spiraling after we switched, at my suggestion. I wanted him to Dom in one of our scenes, so I knew what I was asking of him. What I was doing to him. It went... so wrong. I hadn't been eating well or getting enough sleep because it was right when we finished filming and I should've said no. I was in no condition for a scene, but he was... so proud of all the research he'd done, and so pleased that he'd thought to celebrate the wrap on filming... Apparently the lack of sleep and proper food severely unbalanced my hormones or blood chemicals and I had a seizure. He did everything right, his methods were flawless, but he had a hard time cutting me out of the bonds when I was... seizing. I almost strangled, and nothing I said or did afterward made him feel better. He blamed himself, was terrified of me... He wanted me to hit him more and more, harder and harder, and eventually I just couldn't. I couldn't help him."

Blaine waited, giving Kurt an opportunity to say more, giving himself an opportunity to think, the Dom wasn't sure. When he finally spoke, he said, "I'm not him."

"I know," Kurt nodded. "But I'm still me, and I don't see everything."

"I know. You can trust me, Sir. You can trust me to tell you what I need. Please tell me what you need."

Kurt huffed in disbelief. "Right now, I think I need you," he told Blaine. "I haven't felt this close to anyone in... a long time."

Blaine kissed him, slow and gentle. "I can do that," he assured the Dom. "Do you want me to cook you breakfast?"

Kurt smiled. "Not going to be late to your new job as a super secret spy if you do?"

The sub smiled and shook his head. "My boss won't need me until the afternoon." Kurt gave Blaine a funny look. He felt like he was missing a joke.

With a parting kiss that struggled to keep going as Blaine climbed out of bed, the sub headed into the kitchen and Kurt took the opportunity to pull himself together after that story. Blaine had helped. He probably didn't even know how much. Kurt was definitely falling hard. He was already struggling not to think of Blaine as _his_ sub. They weren't even in a contract. They'd only been seeing each other for a week or so, really. Now that he had the chance to turn his focus inward, he realized he felt a little lighter. Blaine knew everything now, and he wasn't scared. Blaine wasn't Chandler, but it still felt like he'd been forgiven somehow. He still loved Chandler, of course he did, but Kurt couldn't help but feel Blaine might be better for him. There was a twinge of guilt at that thought, but logically he knew that Chandler had always enjoyed receiving more pain than Kurt liked to give. He'd given so much of himself to Chandler and hadn't been able to admit it had been more than he got back because he'd been so busy guilting himself over the sub's suicide. Somehow, in his mind, the fact that he survived made it his fault.

Blaine had survived too, Kurt reminded himself. He wasn't sure exactly what, but he suspected Blaine's last Dom had been abusive. He knew no one needed a reason to get addicted to drugs, but Blaine had said his ex was one. Kurt pulled his clothes back on, barely noticing the wrinkles as he contemplated Blaine. He hoped the sub might open up to him after Kurt had done, but he didn't expect it. He wasn't sure if he wanted to be in a contract before he knew what Blaine had been through a little better, but he knew that telling him so would make him feel pressured to give up information before he was ready. Kurt was thinking about whether he really needed to know ahead of time or if he could just trust that he wouldn't do something wrong without knowing. 

He decided to trust Blaine. Blaine had told Kurt what his hard limits were. Blaine had said Kurt could trust him to speak up. So Kurt would.

The Dom was glad he'd finished that train of thought by the time he walked into Blaine's kitchen because the sub was still just in his boxers and t-shirt and the sight of him cooking eggs like that derailed every single one passing through Kurt's brain. Making sure to step loudly enough that Blaine could hear him approach, Kurt walked up behind him and circled his arms around Blaine's waist as he pushed the eggs around the skillet with a wooden spoon. "Is this okay?" he asked the sub.

Blaine hummed happily. "A little distracting, but good. And eggs aren't hard."

Kurt was tempted to make a joke about things being hard, but he had no desire to do anything too intense near a hot stove. "I'm glad I stayed," Kurt told him. "And thank you for making breakfast."

Blaine leaned his head back and turned to kiss the side of Kurt's neck. "You're welcome, Sir."

Kurt groaned. "Do you have any idea what it does to me when you call me that?"

The sub giggled a little. "Maybe."

Kurt bit Blaine's neck gently and soothed it with kisses. "You, Blaine, are a tease."

Blaine stiffened a little and Kurt realized that must have qualified as name calling. He let go and backed up. "I'm sorry, it slipped," Kurt apologized immediately. 

"It's okay," Blaine stated. He seemed to have finished the eggs and turned off the burner and set them aside. He turned to Kurt looking nervous. "My last Dom abused me. I'm sure you've already figured that out. Just... he would always call me things like whore or tease and tell me how much I loved things when... I'm not even really sure I wanted them anymore."

"Thank you for telling me. I will do my best not to use any more names like that. I was thrown off because it wasn't a scene. I'm sorry."

Blaine pressed into Kurt. "I know. I trust you. I know you'll take care of me. I want to take care of you, too." He turned to push some toast into the toaster as he dished up the eggs and Kurt got the distinct impression that cooking breakfast had very little to do with being hungry and everything to do with wanting to give something to the Dom to reassure him after the story about Chandler. As Blaine got two forks, the toast popped up and he speared them and then jabbed them on top of the eggs. Kurt actually laughed a little.

"I see you don't just have fun making drinks," Kurt said.

"I have fun doing everything," Blaine replied and set one of the plates where Kurt had eaten last night. "Everything," Blaine repeated and somehow managed to eat a bite of eggs suggestively, drawing the fork slowly from his mouth before sitting down with his own plate at the table.

Kurt only shook his head in amusement at the sub's antics. "Careful who you aim that at," Kurt warned. "I want to eat this wonderful breakfast you made and it's going to be hard if you keep distracting me like that."

"Like what?" Blaine asked innocently and did it again, moaning this time as if he were eating the rarest delicacy on the planet. Kurt's mouth fell open slightly and Blaine started cracking up. The Dom couldn't help but smile along with him.

Once Blaine had calmed down, Kurt grew serious again. "You're beautiful when you smile, Blaine. Even more when you laugh. I fully intend to make you do as much of both as possible."

Blaine smiled again, and it was that shy one again like he didn't think he should be so open about liking the praise. "I hope you'll be joining me in both of those things."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just about done chapter 14. And, since I can't figure out how to get it on every chapter, here is that playlist of all the chapter titles' songs: https://play.spotify.com/user/nonnieholly/playlist/0ndsCWKOU9Y6P4NDlNL5dS


	8. Cloud Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I 100% forgot how this chapter ends and I just want to ask: if the ending makes you want to stop reading, please just give it one more chapter.

_Blaine rinsed his mouth thoroughly, hands shaking as he lifted the bottle of water he'd been refilling daily to his lips for another round. He wasn't sure if it was luck or something else that he'd found the one drug dealer in the city who'd give him what he needed for nothing more than a blow job. It'd probably never happen again, but for now he could stop the shaking and the thoughts swirling through his brain like a tornado. He could sleep. He could never sleep in that tiny, cold room, but tonight he would. Tomorrow he should feel well enough to play and get some tips. It wasn't a good cycle, but at least it was a cycle. It would keep going. Blaine would keep going._

_He wasn't sure what the point of that was anymore._

Blaine hadn't been back to Curly's since he'd told Eli he had to quit. Rachel wanted to go back, though, so he and Kurt were going with her. The sub wondered if it would be awkward pretending he and Rachel were just friends and not sort-of-coworkers. It couldn't be nearly as awkward as trying to dress himself for the occasion. The last time he'd tried to dress up for someone was high school when he and Sebastian first started. He certainly hadn't wanted any of that kind of attention after, but now he really wanted to look good for Kurt. He was secretly hoping the Dom would take him somewhere and have his way with Blaine. The tight trousers should hopefully help with that. Blaine put on a low-cut shirt that clung to his lean frame and stared at his bare neck. Was Kurt the kind of Dom who liked collaring his sub? Blaine wouldn't mind if he was. Before he could think twice about it, Blaine grabbed a black bowtie and put it on. He was out of practice and had to re-tie it to get it right.

Smiling at his reflection, Blaine felt a confidence he hadn't in... probably forever. It was now his goal to drive Kurt so far up the wall that he'd have to push Blaine into said wall and _take_ him. They'd both finally gotten their test results back and were both clean. Blaine had been worried, but he didn't tell Kurt. The Dom didn't like hearing about things like Blaine sanitizing second hand needles.

He'd feel guilty making Rachel feel like a third wheel, except the whole thing had been her idea and she'd been hinting to Blaine all week that she might be bringing a friend. Blaine firmly suspected this friend might be a bit more than that. Kurt arrived at Blaine's apartment with plenty of time to spare and Blaine thoroughly appreciated the lingering stare over his figure. Kurt took a step closer and touched the bowtie as if appraising it. Blaine's breath caught as Kurt smiled and said, "You look good like this."

"Th-thank you," Blaine breathed and was tempted to call the whole thing off as Kurt kissed him. He groaned in protest when the Dom broke away.

"Don't want to be late," Kurt smirked. Oh, he was evil.

"I do, actually," Blaine replied, still feeling a little dazed. "I really, really do, Sir."

Blaine wasn't sure if it was a reward or punishment when Kurt pressed against him for another kiss and placed his hands on Blaine's ass to pull his hips in closer. "If you're a good boy tonight," Kurt whispered and the whole thing sent a shiver through Blaine, "I might be convinced to give you a reward."

Blaine could only nod as he tried to swallow against the dryness in his mouth.

"Good," Kurt said. "I want you by my side the whole time. Unless I say otherwise."

Blaine nodded eagerly. He hated when Kurt pulled away and immediately recognized his serious face. "We haven't discussed your safe word."

"Kurt."

"It's necessary, Blaine. I should never have let us go this long without one."

"No, my safe word. It's Kurt."

"It's supposed to be something you wouldn't say in the heat of the moment, honey."

"Trust me. If I stop calling you Sir, something is wrong."

Kurt drew close. "But what if I want you so desperate and hot that you can't help but... moan... my name?"

Blaine shuddered. "I'm open to suggestions."

"Yellow and red?" Kurt asked as if it was some kind of standard.

"That's three words."

Apparently that had been the wrong answer. "Yellow means slow down," Kurt said. "It means you aren't really enjoying yourself, but you're okay and don't want to stop. It lets me know I need to change what I'm doing. Red means stop. I never want to make you 'red' but I also want you to know that you can and should if you think you need to."

"Why don't you want to make me say red?" he asked without thinking.

"Because red means you're hurt or distressed. That's not what this is about, Blaine."

"But aren't you supposed to push me?"

Kurt frowned sadly. "Not like that, Blaine. My goal should only ever be to make you feel good. If that involves pushing your limits, then I'll do that. But the goal is never to push you past them. Not ever."

"Oh."

The Dom slipped an arm around his waist and started to lead him out of the apartment. Blaine leaned into him as they walked, tempted to close his eyes and just let Kurt lead. The more they talked about limits, the more Blaine began to realize just how bad Sebastian had been. He realized that he hadn't wanted most of what they'd done even if he'd convinced himself he did at the time. It had been about survival. He'd done it to please the one who took him in after his parents kicked him out. "You make me feel safe," Blaine told his Dom. Even if they weren't in a contract, Blaine already belonged to Kurt. That was how he felt. Probably the bow tie had been his own way of showing that. He wanted all the other Doms in the club to know he was not available. In case hanging on Kurt all night wasn't clear enough.

Kurt squeezed his waist. "Good," he said. "I want you to be safe."

When they finally got to the club, Blaine could not believe who Rachel had brought with her. It was Marc, the actor who played Tony in the West Side Story film. He never would have pegged Marc as a sub. "Do you know him?" Kurt asked and Blaine turned bright red.

"I'd rather not answer that," Blaine said. Kurt would know if he was lying. Blaine still wasn't convinced that Kurt wasn't a mind reader.

Kurt gave him an odd look, but he didn't push it. Marc introduced himself and shook both their hands, saying he was a switch. Kurt got another look on his face that worried Blaine. Did he know Marc? Something was bothering his Dom and even if Blaine weren't angling for a hard fuck at the end of this date, he didn't want his Dom unhappy. Blaine tried to get Kurt to sit down and sat unnecessarily close to him, but the Dom still seemed lost in thought and Blaine felt like a failure. He cuddled against Kurt and didn't care that he probably looked like a kicked puppy. He didn't know what was wrong and he couldn't fix it.

Kurt wrapped an arm around him possessively, and Blaine wondered what was going on. Did he feel threatened by Marc because he was a switch? Marc was with Rachel. Blaine didn't even think he was gay. Kurt just kept glaring at Rachel's sub until finally Blaine couldn't take it anymore. Marc seemed to be dealing with it alright but only because he was trying not to acknowledge it. Blaine leaned in to Kurt's ear and said "Do you want to go?"

This had apparently been the worst thing he could have done. "How do you know him?" Kurt repeated.

"I don't want to-"

Kurt was angry now. He stood, practically knocking Blaine over. "How do you know my sub?" Kurt demanded of Marc.

Marc could no longer ignore the death glare. "Take it easy, buddy," Marc said and Blaine stood to grab Kurt's arm.

"Kurt-"

The Dom shook him off and Blaine bit his lip, trying not to cry. "You are making my sub uncomfortable," Kurt gritted out, "and I can only think of one reason why that would be."

"Whatever you think is going on here, you're wrong."

Rachel stood now, too, stepping between Kurt and Marc. She was almost as angry as he was and Kurt seemed to deflate a little as his sightline was interrupted. "Can I have a word, Kurt?"

"I am not leaving Blaine alone with-"

"Marc, would you get me an appletini?" Rachel snapped. Marc seemed all too glad to leave the VIP booth and Blaine sat numbly. "What is your problem?"

"That son of a bitch-"

"My date," Rachel seethed. "My date who you have never met before."

"Have you met him before? Do you know what he was doing before then?" Kurt yelled and Blaine pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face in them. 

The yelling was killing him. He didn't know why Kurt was so angry or what he'd done to make Kurt hate a complete stranger. He didn't know what he'd done wrong, but he knew whatever was going on was his fault. "Kurt, shut up," Rachel bit out and she sat down with Blaine, pulling him into a hug. "Are you okay, Blaine?"

Kurt stormed out of the VIP booth and Blaine started crying openly. "I don't know what I did," he whimpered. "I don't know what I did."

She hugged him tight before pulling away to look him squarely in the eyes. "I am so sorry, Blaine, but I have got to go after Kurt to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

Blaine nodded tearfully, wanting to leave now. All thoughts of sex had left him. He wasn't even sure he wanted Kurt right now. He balled his hands into fists as he realized that he truly wanted was drugs. In one week, he'd be a year. He couldn't throw that away. He took deep breaths and tried to focus on the acoustic act that was playing. Just as he was starting to feel level, Eli stopped in.

"Hey," he greeted. 

Blaine smiled a little. "Hey." 

"You okay? You look a little shaken up."

Blaine shook his head. He actually felt a little better seeing Eli. "I did something wrong and I don't know what." He hesitated, but reminded himself that this was Eli. This man had seen him at his lowest. Eli knew what Blaine looked like angry and weak from withdrawal. "I have a really strong urge to use."

The bench tilted a little before teetering back into place as Eli sat next to Blaine and put and arm around him the way Kurt had done not that long ago- except it was friendly and comforting instead of angry and jealous. Blaine didn't mind possessiveness or even jealousy but the anger made it frightening. "What can I do?" Eli asked gently.

Blaine hugged him. "Honestly, just seeing you is already making it better."

"Glad to help," Eli said quietly, and before Blaine knew what was happening, Eli's lips were on his. He pulled away just as the door to the booth opened and he was horrified to see Kurt. He wasn't horrified because of what Kurt had seen, because it hadn't been anything, but he was horrified because of just how _broken_ his Dom looked.

"Kurt-"

Blaine was on his feet, chasing after Kurt but Eli slowed him down and his Dom had disappeared into the crowd before Blaine could stop it.

He shoved Eli angrily as he tried to catch up and then ran off. He found his way somewhere dark and quiet and tried to keep himself under control as he called Kurt's cell phone. It went straight to voicemail. "Kurt, please, that wasn't- He kissed me. I didn't know he was going to do that. I don't want him. I'm sorry, please, I'm so sorry, please I'll do anything. I'll take any punishment. I won't stop you. Please, please, Kurt, please." He was sobbing and not entirely sure what he was saying beyond "please" by the time he forced himself to hang up. A few minutes later, he got a text from Kurt.

"Go with Eli."

He replied, "I don't want Eli. I want you. I'm sorry. Please just punish me. I'll do anything."

The reply didn't come quickly, and Blaine was convinced there wouldn't be one before it finally came. "Your punishment is to go with Eli. Tell him your Dom wants you punished and he wants visible proof."

Blaine shuddered. He didn't know Eli and neither did Kurt. Why would Kurt say this? He felt numb and shaky as he headed back to the club. He wasn't even sure if he wanted a Dom who would send him to someone else for a punishment. He didn't know what else to do, though. At least if someone punished him, he probably wouldn't end up throwing away his sobriety. He'd already thought about the first paycheck he'd gotten from West Side Story. It didn't take much longer to figure out he could get half a dozen hits with it. Eli was behind the bar when Blaine found him and the club owner immediately stepped out. "I'm sorry about the kiss," he said immediately and Blaine just numbly requested a punishment.

Eli was hesitant, but eventually he agreed. Blaine knew he would. It was obvious Eli wanted him. The club owner took him downstairs where he guessed people could rent these mini-dungeons and asked Blaine's safe word. "Your name. Eli is my safe word," he stated but had no intention of using it. 

He wanted to hurt as much as possible. He wanted to prove to Kurt that he'd been punished enough.

He wanted Kurt to cuddle him and tell him he'd done well. To see how far Blaine could go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forget where I was when I posted the last chapter, but 15 is done. You'll thank me later. Really.
> 
> And the link: https://play.spotify.com/user/nonnieholly/playlist/0ndsCWKOU9Y6P4NDlNL5dS


	9. Wrecking Ball

_Ever since Blaine had opened up to Kurt about his former Dom, it had been all he could think about. He had dreams about finally meeting this mysterious monster, and it was the first time Kurt had truly wanted to hurt someone, consciously or otherwise. He had dreams involving electricity and harsh, abrasive rope. There were knives and floggers and tears. Kurt never saw the monster's face since Blaine had never described him or even so much as named him, but he didn't need to. The screams and pleas for mercy were all he needed._

_And his only response was to say he'd extend the monster as much mercy as he'd shown Blaine._

Kurt never thought he'd ever come face to face with Blaine's abuser, so when he saw Blaine's immediate shock and hesitation over Marc's presence, he tried not to jump to conclusions. He just wanted to keep an eye on him. Blaine didn't want to say how he knew him, though. Blaine became clingier than usual, as if he needed protecting. Blaine only kept getting more and more upset and Kurt should have realized it was his own fault, but he'd been so focused on hurting whoever had hurt his sub, on wanting to put them through what they'd put Blaine through... God, and when Blaine started crying, that had only sealed it for him. He charged after the switch and yanked him away from the bar, forcing him outside.

"I know what you did to Blaine!" he accused in a barely controlled volume.

"What?"

"I know you used to be his Dom, I know you hurt him!"

Marc was holding up his hands, looking terrified and Kurt was pleased about it. "I don't know what you're talking about-"

"You are a sick, abusive-"

"Dude, I've never laid a hand on him! I only met him a week or two ago!"

"Likely story," Kurt scoffed. "He was terrified. You expect me to believe-"

"Maybe he was terrified of you, fucking psycho!"

Kurt felt like he'd been slapped. Could that have been it? "Why else wouldn't he want to tell me who you were?"

"Maybe because we both signed the same NDA for the same job! Jesus Christ-" Rachel came out looking concerned and the reality of the mistake he'd made was crashing in on Kurt. "Thanks for inviting me, Rachel, but I'll have to see you later. I can't be around this psychopath right now. Please don't invite me to anything he's at ever again."

Marc stalked off and Rachel whirled on him, ready to yell until she saw Kurt's face. "I'm sorry, Rachel. Fuck, I'm so sorry."

"Kurt, what is going on?"

"I'm an idiot is what's going on. I just- God, I actually thought he might've been Blaine's ex-Dom."

Rachel sighed. She was still angry and she had every right to be. Kurt turned away because he'd already ruined her night and she didn't deserve to deal with him having a meltdown because she'd feel obligated to comfort him. "Look, I'm not happy with you but I get it, okay? You need to go apologize to Blaine. He's-"

Kurt covered his face, trying not to cry and swore. He'd made his sub cry. Rachel grabbed him and gave him a stern look. "You messed up, Kurt. It happens. Right now you need to calm down and help Blaine, okay?"

"How can I?" he asked. "He's probably terrified of me. That's probably just what his ex was like- God, Rachel, it's all I think about anymore is him bleeding and crying and convinced that a Dom's goal is to get a sub to safeword-?! Fuck, Rachel, I don't think I can do this..."

"You can worry about whether or not you can do this later, Kurt," Rachel said a bit more gently. "I can't imagine what it's like to know someone you love was hurt like that, but you are not helping him by falling apart out here, okay?"

Kurt nodded. "Just give me a minute, okay? And I'll apologize to Marc. I'll write him a letter or something."

"Maybe let me break it to him for you," Rachel suggested.

Kurt nodded again. "You're right. Thanks. God, I'm so sorry."

"Deep breaths," she reminded him. Nodding as if it was his only ability left, Kurt took several deep breaths and calmed considerably. "If I go, are you two going to be okay? Do you want me to stick around?"

Kurt shook his head, almost getting whiplash from the sudden change of direction. "I made this mess. I'll fix it. You go and try to salvage what's left of your night."

She touched his shoulder. "It'll be fine. Just be gentle with him."

"Thanks." Kurt took a few more calming breaths as she hailed a cab and headed out. He walked determinedly back toward the VIP room. He felt much calmer, much more able to fix this. Until he opened the door and saw Blaine and Eli kissing. They broke apart, but it was too late. He'd seen it. It was his fault. He'd antagonized Blaine into some kind of panic attack, and Eli was someone Blaine trusted. Eli had even helped Blaine before. Eli had put Blaine through rehab. What had Kurt done? Broken him, just like he'd done to his last sub. Missed something huge and screwed it all up. Blaine called his name, but Kurt had to get out. He ran, pushing through the crowd, needing to leave before he could be convinced to change his mind. He was poison.

It almost felt good to return to his familiar routine of only remaining conscious for as long as it took to fall asleep again. It didn't feel good to be pulled forcibly from that sleep by a loud banging on his door.

He tumbled out of bed drunkenly as his body tried to reorient itself to being upright and glanced down to make sure he was wearing pants before opening the door, not caring who it was or what he looked like really.

"Oh, Kurt."

He turned, knowing Rachel was just going to let herself in anyway. He heard the door close as he sank miserably into the couch. "I was sleeping."

"Yeah, I see that. It's almost eight o'clock. At night."

Kurt shrugged. "I like sleeping."

"You haven't been answering your phone."

Kurt looked around trying to remember where he'd put it. "Must be on silent or the battery must've died."

She sighed. "Well, can you find it and plug it in? Blaine's not answering his phone either."

Kurt finally woke up a little. "Yeah," he said and started looking everywhere he might've put it, following the lone path he'd taken from the door to his bed where he'd remained for the past two days. Maybe that was one reason he'd been so unsteady getting up. He looked under the bed to see if it'd slid under there accidentally, pulled all the blankets off his bed. "I can't find it!"

"Could it have fallen out of your pocket in a cab or something?"

It hit him all at once. "I left it at the club. I set it on the table and when-"

"When what?"

"I walked in on Blaine and Eli. Kissing. I just had to get out."

"Oh, god," Rachel breathed. "God, Kurt, I'm so sorry."

He shrugged self-deprecatingly. "He was wrecked and I don't blame him. I'm just glad someone could give him what he needed."

She took his hand. "Let's go get your phone, yeah?"

"Thanks. Is Marc okay?"

"He'll be fine. He totally gets it, forgives you even. Doesn't want to be best buds or anything, but I think I got it across to him that you had a temporary bout of insanity."

"Sounds about right."

"Okay, so when I suggested we go get your phone, I meant you should get dressed and comb your hair or put a hat on first or something."

Kurt smiled a little, but he didn't have it in him to laugh. "I appreciate your foresight."

"It takes no foresight. That hair is right in front of my sight sight."

"Okay, I get it," he shook his head fondly.

A few minutes later, he could at least pretend he was presentable and they headed out. Curly's was unlocked but not yet open. Eli himself stopped them at the door. "You're two of my favorite guests and all, but I don't even have a bartender or anything for you to do," he said in lieu of a greeting. 

"I think I left my phone here the other night," Kurt said flatly.

"Since he won't say it, I'd just like to register my disapproval of you kissing another Dom's sub."

"Rachel, stop," Kurt mumbled.

Eli folded his arms across his chest. "I wasn't aware he belonged to anyone. Let alone someone he's only known casually for a couple months."

"I'm not here for a pissing contest," Kurt bit out. "I'm here for my phone, now can I go find it or not?"

Eli followed them all the way to the VIP room. "If there was a phone in here, the staff would've found it."

Kurt looked under the sofa and Rachel pulled out her own phone to call his. Both of them looked at Eli when his pocket started playing "Defying Gravity."

"Why do you have my phone?" Kurt asked angrily. He was no longer so against a pissing contest.

"I didn't know it was yours," the man replied smoothly and handed it over. "One of my servers has the same one. I thought it was hers."

"Right," Kurt said and snatched it out of his hand. "Come on, Rachel."

He ran through his messages, seeing a voicemail from Blaine and dialing immediately. He shut his eyes, trying to breathe when he heard it. Rachel hailed a cab and Kurt climbed in as he dialed back. It went to voicemail. "Blaine, it's me. You don't deserve to be punished. This is all my fault. Please call me. I'd like to talk." There were some texts from Rachel that he went to delete, but the conversation open on his phone was with Blaine. As he read the messages sent from his phone his whole body went cold. "Turn around," he said in a voice so quiet only Rachel heard. He looked up and said, loudly, "Take us back. Turn around."

The driver looked at him like he was crazy until Kurt pulled a twenty dollar bill from his pocket and offered it up. Then the driver looked at him like he was a good kind of crazy. The cab made a u-turn so intense that Kurt felt nauseated. Rachel gave him a look and he just handed her his phone. He needed his hands free in case he had to commit a murder.

She chased after him but there was no stopping him as he shoved Eli against a wall and yelled "Where is he?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your music: https://play.spotify.com/user/nonnieholly/playlist/0ndsCWKOU9Y6P4NDlNL5dS
> 
> (Two in one day because I was legitimately afraid of losing readers the way that last chapter ended.)


	10. Snow White Queen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to add a warning on this fic for abuse and torture (which are in this chapter, so this is your warning) I guess because I thought "graphic depictions of violence" and "non-con" covered it, but just in case it was not obvious.
> 
> I mean, I super love whump, but this is dark even for me.
> 
> That was meant to be an explanation of why this chapter is shorter than the others.
> 
> Your music: https://play.spotify.com/user/nonnieholly/playlist/0ndsCWKOU9Y6P4NDlNL5dS

_The first time Blaine had used his safeword, Sebastian didn't hear it. Blaine wondered later if he had just ignored it or misunderstood it. As he tried to sleep alone on his pallet in the corner, he replayed the scene in his head. It was the first time Sebastian had fucked him without any lube and Blaine tried so hard to take it but he couldn't. He said the Dom's name and he didn't even react, just kept going until he came inside Blaine a few seconds later. The salty fluid stung his raw insides and he repeated the name, in tears. Sebastian patted his ass and said "Sorry, baby," and he sounded like he was actually sorry but not at all surprised. He didn't even help Blaine clean up. He just left._

_Blaine was used to being left._

Every time Blaine thought he was too tired to cry or scream, Eli surprised him. The whipping had been bad, and it had gone on for ages. His back was in ribbons before Blaine's sobs began to sound like Eli's name. When the Dom didn't stop, Blaine repeated it. He kept trying, repeating the name, shouting "Eli, I'm using my safeword! Eli, stop, Eli! Please, stop! Eli!" He couldn't even get away. He'd let Eli tie him up. He couldn't move. He was suspended, bindings digging into his skin. He knew he was bleeding where it touched him from holding his weight while he struggled and suffered.

Time lost its meaning as he whimpered and cried weakly. He'd stopped begging because it took too much out of him and accomplished nothing. Finally, there was a break and Eli came back with a salt shaker. "I read this thing once," Eli said to him and Blaine almost couldn't hear him as Eli flipped his immobile body upside-down and the blood rushed to his head. "About a guy at a slaughterhouse who shoved a fistful of salt up a pig's ass. The pig squealed and ran around and the guys laughed." Blaine flinched as Eli took a step closer with the shaker. "Ever since I first saw you, I wanted to know if I could make you squeal like a pig."

"Please no," Blaine begged. He couldn't take any more. He couldn't even take what he already had. Eli pulled out his phone and started filming as he unscrewed the cap and shoved it inside him. Blaine tried to look away so his face wouldn't be in the video.

He screamed and cried and struggled toward the floor as if he could get away from the burning. The last thing he saw before he finally passed out was Eli jacking off.

He came to alone, but it didn't last long. Eli must have been just down the hall because he appeared as soon as Blaine groaned. Blaine's stomach roiled as the Dom touched his face. "You are mine, Blaine. You belong to me. I picked you up out of the gutter and I put you back together. And now I am going to break you even worse than you were before."

"Why?" he whimpered.

Eli shrugged. "It turns me on. The further you fall, the harder I come. Do you think I built you up out of the kindness of my heart? No one cares about strangers, Blaine. And no one cares about a junkie like you."

He blinked and realized Eli was filming again. "Fuck off," he said, determined not to give him anything else.

It was a mistake. The biggest he'd ever made.

The next time he was conscious, he was in a hospital on his side. There were IVs in his arm and a heart monitor was beeping in the background. It sped up as he laid eyes on Eli. "Blaine, I'm so glad you're okay. You were found badly beaten in a park. Luckily you still had me set as your emergency contact."

"No," Blaine trembled. "No- Help! Help!"

Eli immediately pressed a hand over Blaine's mouth, leering at him as he struggled. As determined as he'd been, he couldn't help the tears that came. He was never going to be free. Eli was going to torture him and have him healed and torture him again and it was never going to end. "And just think," Eli whispered, pressing Blaine into the pillow and leaning in so that their faces were inches apart. "Kurt approved all of this. It was _his idea_."

Blaine cried miserably, his tears muffled by the hand. He felt around in the bed. There should be a call button. There had to be. "If you think I left you a way to call for help, you're delusional," Eli mocked him. "I only waited this long because I wanted to see the life leave your eyes." Eli pressed harder so that Blaine couldn't get air through his nose or mouth, and used his other hand to crush his windpipe. Eli was going to kill him. Dispose of the evidence.

Desperate, Blaine flicked the pulse monitor from his finger. It clattered to the floor and the machine made the cliche sound of someone flatlining. Eli slapped him and was forced to go to the other side of the bed for the thing. Blaine took the opportunity to roll toward the door, trying to shout for help and failing as he tried to cough his throat open. His legs couldn't support him to run, but it didn't matter because a nurse came in then. She tried to calm him down and help him back into the bed, but Blaine didn't stop until she heard his hoarse voice saying, "He's the one who attacked me, you have to call the police, please-!"

She gave Eli a look and was hitting some kind of button on her lanyard and soon there were two security guards coming in and Eli fought but there were two of them. Blaine sobbed again, this time in relief. A male nurse entered and, together with the nurse who'd found him, they managed to lift him back onto his side in the bed. The male nurse left as soon as it was done. Blaine guessed they assumed he didn't want men around since he'd been victimized by one. She talked to him soothingly until he was breathing normally and the beeping of his heart sounded less like morse code. 

"Is there anyone else you'd like us to call?" she asked. "So you don't have to be alone?"

Blaine nodded. "M-my friend. Rachel Berry."

The nurse gave the name to someone outside the door and returned to his bedside. "Is it okay if I talk to you about your treatment?"

"Yeah. Okay."

"You've been here for a week, Blaine. The injuries you sustained were extensive and we put you into a medically induced coma while you healed."

"Am I on any kind of pain medicine right now?" he asked.

"Morphine," she confirmed.

He shook his head. "Is there something else you can give me? I'm in recovery."

There went his year.

"Of course. I'll tell the doctor in charge of your case. She'll make sure you get something with less risk for dependency."

"Thank you." He sighed. He'd been there for a week and was still in pain. "Why can't I stand up?"

"It could be any number of things," she said. "The doctor doesn't think it's a spinal injury. Based on... some of the other wounds, she thinks your muscles may have weakened due to a lack of circulation. You'll probably need physical therapy, but you will recover. You'll be just as able as you were before. Maybe even more so."

The smile she gave him seemed forced. He didn't blame her. She'd probably seen whatever his back looked like. He knew there was probably no way they could have put him in the bed that didn't aggravate something that needed to heal. "Thanks," he finally said.

There was a knock at the door and she poked her head out for a few words he couldn't make out. She came back and said, "Your friend is on her way. Do you want me to stay until she gets here?"

Blaine tried to say no, but what came out was "Yes, please."


	11. Cry

_Kurt smiled as he arrived at the motel. He hadn't been the only one to give Sam's family a few things, and it felt amazing to be able to help them load it up and drive it to the house they were renting now that his mom had landed a good job. They cooked him dinner and talked about nothing for a few hours before Kurt had to leave. Sam walked him to the door and grew serious. "Kurt, I know you know and all, but thank you. Helping us and not telling anyone we were living in a motel... I just really appreciate it."_

_"Of course," Kurt said. "You're my friend. You'd do the same for me."_

_Sam nodded. "I would. So... if you ever need anything- anything. I owe you so much." Kurt shook his head to say Sam didn't._

_"You don't owe me anything. I didn't do anything, really."_

_"Still. I'd do the same for you. Like you said."_

Kurt woke up the third day after confronting Eli, feeling hopeless. The club owner had let them search the entire club and even though Kurt still had that nagging feeling about him, his story was convincing enough that Kurt couldn't justify anything else. He'd called the police anyway, telling them he thought Eli had abducted his boyfriend, but they hadn't done anything besides stop by and question him. The day before, they'd finally let him file a missing person report, but he suspected it wasn't going to be given high priority. He heard them talking in another room. Eli had told them about the kiss, so they assumed Blaine had just left. He'd tried to show them the texts, but they only raised an eyebrow at him. He should never have done that. It made them even less inclined to believe Blaine had been abducted or hurt.

Not knowing where else to turn, Kurt turned on his laptop and uploaded the picture of him and Blaine at the park. It felt wrong to share something that intimate, but it was the only picture he had. Blaine wasn't on Facebook, and Kurt hadn't taken any other pictures. His heart broke all over again as he saw the way Blaine was so at ease in Kurt's half-embrace. The look in his eyes had that same ease, but Kurt also recognized a genuine happiness in them. Would that happiness still be there if- no, when- Kurt found him?

He took a deep, shuddering breath and started to type. "This is my boyfriend Blaine. He's been missing for five days. I have reason to believe he was taken by someone who wanted to hurt him. Because of various related but irrelevant circumstances, I don't think the police intend to look very hard for him. Please share this picture. Please help bring him home safely." It was good. It didn't reveal too much about their situation. It didn't antagonize the police (not that he cared too much), and it conveyed the urgency he felt. A small voice in the back of his head added that it didn't say anything about bringing Blaine back to Kurt. He didn't dare to hope that Blaine would still want him after this.

He hit "post" and took a few more deep breaths. This would help. This would do something. This was progress. So why did he feel like he'd just signed a death sentence?

The reaction started slowly and then began to accelerate. By the time he convinced himself to eat something, there were 27 likes (and he had no idea what the logic behind liking something like that was), several comments of sympathy or support, and forty-four shares. Considering how few people he had in his Facebook friends, he was grateful. Just before he headed into the kitchen, he got a message. It was Sam.

"First, let me say this won't help. I don't want to get your hopes up. But I think I know him."

It didn't help find Blaine, no, but it did feel like he'd found something at least. "How?"

"You probably don't want to know."

"What does that mean?"

"Do you want to come over? Or I could go over there."

Kurt sighed. It'd probably be good to not be alone and he wanted to know how Sam knew his sub, but he also really didn't want to have to put on a face. "You met him at Curly's, right? I know he worked there. I'm not bothered."

"I did meet him there, but he looked familiar and it took me a little while to figure out why. Is it okay if I come over?"

Kurt counted to five. Whatever Sam had to tell him, he hoped it wasn't as bad as his friend was making it sound. "Sure."

Half an hour later, Sam was at his door with pizza and a box of wine. Kurt actually smiled a little. He remembered the cheap box wine they would buy when they were roommates in New York after high school, and the combination was a thing that was definitive to their friendship. Whenever one of them had been sad or had a reason to celebrate, there was pizza and shitty box wine. "Is it bad that I almost forgot about pizza and wine?"

Sam only grinned that Sam grin and said, "You've been distracted and I am here to distract you even more."

Kurt got serious. "First I wanna know how you know-"

"I know," he said. "And I'll tell you, but first... This is the kind of thing he might not tell you right away and I'm not sure if I should. It's not my secret to tell, and trust me when I say it isn't going to help find him."

"Well, I know you didn't sleep with him. Unless you're cheating on Mercedes, I have seen everyone you've ever slept with at our apartment."

Sam shook his head. "I knew him from back in Ohio."

"Wait... You didn't sleep with him, right?" Kurt didn't know what Sam did back in Ohio. Maybe he had.

"No. Kurt, I'm straight. I have never slept with a man. This isn't about that. Besides, I don't even think Blaine recognized me. I barely recognized him."

"Can you just tell me? We both know I'm going to get it out of you eventually and I really don't have the energy to keep this up all night."

"He might not even be the same guy. It was in high school and the kid I remember was... really skinny and unhealthy and I think he was high most of the time."

Kurt felt his heart sink. "Where do you remember this kid?"

"From the club where I used to strip."

Kurt nodded, feeling worse than he did before. "He's been clean for almost a year."

"Crap, Kurt, I'm sorry," Sam said. "I shouldn't have said anything about knowing him, I should've-"

"It's okay," he nodded. "I knew he had a lot of problems. I just... didn't know it had gone on that early."

Sam opened the pizza box. "We'll find him. I can say for sure that he has come too far to fall back down."

"I don't think he's doing drugs, Sam," Kurt shook his head. "I meant what I said in the caption about someone taking him. And I know exactly who it was, I just don't have any proof. I don't even know if he still has him. Part of me is expecting them to find a body."

Sam hugged him as he started crying and said reassuring words about how they were going to canvas the neighborhoods or check the hospitals in the morning. Sam got him sufficiently drunk to fall asleep and woke him the next morning bright and early.

They spent the day as promised, knocking on doors and stopping in all the hospitals to look at their John Doe's but Blaine seemed to have disappeared. He was nowhere.

Kurt was grateful for Sam's presence, forcibly reminding him to eat and watching Netflix with him the whole next day until Rachel called. He was on his feet as she told him that Blaine was in a hospital, that they'd just called her and she was going in. "He's in LA Memorial," Kurt said, not sure if he was relieved or terrified. "They just called Rachel."

Sam was already pulling his shoes on, and Kurt was almost too distracted to be grateful about how wonderful Sam was being through all this.

The trouble was when they got to the hospital and were told they couldn't see him. Rachel was nowhere to be found and her phone kept going straight to voicemail. What was going on? Why couldn't they go in?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your music: https://play.spotify.com/user/nonnieholly/playlist/0ndsCWKOU9Y6P4NDlNL5dS


	12. Damaged

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so sorry. It's not that I forgot about you, but I a little bit forgot. At least I forgot to post. If only AO3 had a queuing system!
> 
> Your music: https://play.spotify.com/user/nonnieholly/playlist/0ndsCWKOU9Y6P4NDlNL5dS

_Blaine knew it was the right decision to leave Sebastian, but he didn't feel any better about it. As much as it hurt, he was already craving a punishment. He felt like he'd done something wrong, and how could he not have? He was homeless again. Sebastian may not have loved him the way Blaine wanted, but he gave him a safe place and it wasn't like he'd ever actually hurt Blaine. He'd never done anything Blaine had said no to. When Blaine used his safeword, he stopped. Always._

_Blaine had been as low as he could be, so high he didn't even remember some of the places he had dollars later. Sebastian had taken him out of there and helped him sober up. The withdrawal had been hell, but it was nothing Blaine couldn't survive. It made Sebastian's punishments seem tame, even. He'd burned that bridge, though. He managed to get Cooper to take him in and front him the money for the bus ticket, but Cooper didn't have enough space and Blaine could tell when he'd overstayed his welcome. He resisted for a week before getting high again._

_He'd just have to do his best to never come down._

Rachel's presence was almost instantly calming. The nurse slipped out with an instruction to buzz if they needed anything.

Blaine didn't even have to ask as Rachel immediately took his hand. She seemed at a loss for words. "I must look really bad," he tried to smile.

"Oh, Blaine," she said tearfully. "We didn't know where you were. When we saw those texts on Kurt's phone-"

Blaine turned away, not wanting to think about what his Dom had done. He didn't need the confirmation Rachel was giving him. He'd hoped so much that there had been another explanation.

"Kurt almost killed him," she said softly.

"I don't want to talk about Kurt," he said thickly.

"Okay," Rachel agreed. She squeezed his hand. "Do you want to talk at all?"

"I just need to know it's over," Blaine said. "Security took him away, but there haven't been any police here to talk to me, and... Did they say anything about arresting Eli?"

"I don't know," she said. "They didn't tell me anything. Just told me what room you were in once I gave my name. I'm sorry."

Blaine nodded and the heart monitor gave away his anxiety. Rachel only rubbed his arm and Blaine couldn't help but think that Kurt would somehow magically just know how to make it better, except he couldn't. Kurt had done this to him. "I just don't understand why everyone I get involved with hurts me."

"I'm sorry," she repeated and he knew she wanted to make it better as much as he did. He could hear how awful she felt in her voice.

"You don't have to stay," he told her. "I'll be alright. I have the buzzer."

"I already called out of filming today," she assured him. "I have nowhere to be. But I did tell Kurt you were here, so I should go tell him to leave if you don't want to see him."

"Why would you tell him where I was?" Blaine asked. He wasn't sure if he was hurt or angry.

"I know you probably don't want to think about him, but he's been worried sick. Knocking on doors and pestering the police. Going over that night in his head, thinking if he just hadn't left his phone you wouldn't have gotten hurt."

Blaine squeezed his eyes shut, trying to sort it all out. "What do you mean left his phone?"

"At the club." Rachel stared at him before saying, "Oh, my god. Blaine, Kurt didn't send you those texts. Sweetie, he would never trade you or share you or anything like that. That was one of the what-if's he kept angsting over, that if it had occurred to him to discuss it you would've known it wasn't him."

As much as that relieved him, it also killed him. "It doesn't matter. He thinks I kissed... him."

"If you think he cares more about that than upsetting you or you getting hurt, then you are wrong. He just wants you safe."

Blaine nodded. "I believe you. I do. I just... I can't face him right now, so maybe could you send him home?"

"Of course, Blaine. Whatever you need." She patted his hand. "I'll be right back. I'm just gonna go call him so he knows not to come."

"Can you tell him I didn't want to kiss E-Eli?" Blaine asked as she left. "He kissed me. I didn't want him to. I didn't know he was going-"

Rachel touched Blaine's face to stop his babbling, and he leaned into the touch, craving it desperately. "He wouldn't have blamed you even if you did," she promised. "He knows you were upset, and he knows now that it was his fault. He mistook your reaction to Marc as... He thought you were uncomfortable because Marc was the one who abused you. If you're worried about what he thinks of you or that kiss, you don't need to be."

"He's going to think I'm broken."

"Right now he's not completely convinced you're alive," Rachel countered.

"What if he's angry?"

"He's not angry, Blaine. He's just worried."

"I mean," Blaine struggled for words. "What if he sees me and... he gets angry."

"He could never be mad at you, Blaine. Not for this."

"Not at me," Blaine clarified. "Like at the club."

She looked sad all over again and returned to his bed side to take his hand. "You might be right. He might get angry. I'm angry. No one has the right to do this to anyone, and I'd kind of like to strangle him myself," she said, eyes filling with tears. "But I'm also so sad that you have to be here in this hospital and that I couldn't stop it. That's why I'm here and not earning myself a prison sentence. Because you need me here, not there. Kurt's the same, except maybe he feels more like he caused this than that there was nothing he could do to stop it."

"He didn't text me."

"No."

"Then it's not his fault."

She smiled sadly. "Maybe you can convince him. I haven't managed."

Blaine took a deep breath. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"I want to see him."

She smiled. "I'll find him and send him in. Do you want me here or would you rather be alone?"

"Maybe just... if it's okay, hang around the hospital for a little while?"

He hated that he felt so needy, and that he was asking so much of everyone, but he couldn't stop. He grew afraid again as soon as she stepped out of the room and it took everything he had not to buzz for the nurse. Especially as the minutes dragged by, it felt like she'd forgotten him. He was tired, and the wait wasn't helping. As anxious as he was, dealing with Eli and then confessing his fears to Rachel, finding out it wasn't Kurt... he felt like he'd run several marathons. Soon he was drifting off to sleep, even though he didn't want to leave himself unprotected.


	13. Not While I'm Around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just needed this part of the story to be Kurt so sorry I'm not sorry for leaving you where I did last chapter.  
> Also lol as if this chapter could've been any other song. I tried, but nothing else compares.
> 
> And only half a day late on this one! That means it's not late, if it's still the same day, right?
> 
> Your music: https://play.spotify.com/user/nonnieholly/playlist/0ndsCWKOU9Y6P4NDlNL5dS

_Chandler's funeral happened almost without Kurt registering it. He didn't speak. Someone from Chandler's family offered to read something for him, but he couldn't write anything. There were no words. He didn't care what that made him look like. The police had made him test for gunpowder residue, as if he'd been a suspect, as if he could've killed someone he loved. Years ago, when Glee first started, if he'd been told Rachel Berry would have been by his side the whole time to hold his hand and make sure he got from the cab to his apartment alright, he would not have believed them. She tucked him in to the couch where he'd been sleeping and asked if he needed anything. He shook his head no. There was nothing he needed that anyone could give him, anyway. When she said goodbye, he just nodded._

_It had occurred to him that he should sing at Chandler's funeral, but everything inside him was so shut down that even the sound of music grated. Kurt had never felt so broken._

Kurt was grateful for Sam's solid presence by his side as they waited, the words "approved visitors list" and "family only" ringing in his head. "Am I crazy?" Kurt finally wondered aloud. "We've only been dating a few weeks, but I feel like family. I think I love him."

"I think you do, too," Sam agreed. "The way you're looking at him in that picture you posted... I don't even think I look at Mercedes like that and I wanna spend the rest of my life with her. I gave up sex for her."

"You what?"

"She's saving herself for marriage," Sam replied as if it were common and totally okay. Kurt guessed it was totally okay with Sam. He knew he'd give up more than that for Blaine. 

"I just want him to be okay."

"He will be," Sam assured him dutifully. "And Rachel's probably already buttered him up for you. Speaking of Rachel-"

Kurt looked up to see her coming into the lobby. He shot to his feet and met her halfway. Her eyes were red and puffy like she'd been crying and she immediately hugged him and didn't let go. "I promised him I would tell you that he didn't want to kiss Eli."

"I don't care," Kurt replied. He'd practically forgotten about it.

"That's what I said, but I promised. Kurt?"

"Yeah."

"It's bad," she said in a tiny voice. "Just... they told me it was bad, but words can't... He's so-" He felt himself crying with her. "I'm sorry, I tried to calm down so you wouldn't be too worried, but he's just... I shouldn't keep you any longer. He doesn't blame you. He doesn't think any of it's your fault. So just... be with him. He needs you."

Rachel noticed Sam had caught up with them as they parted from the hug. "Hey," she greeted, still a bit tearful. "I'm gonna take Kurt to the room and then I'll come back and say a proper hello."

Rachel peeked in the room first. "I think he's asleep," she said. "Do you want me to stay?"

"No, it's okay," he said, steeling himself. "Sam could probably use some company besides me."

She touched his shoulder. "I'll be here for a while if you need anything."

"You don't have to-"

"Blaine asked me to."

Kurt nodded, not willing to argue with anything Blaine wanted for the foreseeable future. "Thanks, Rachel."

She smiled and nodded as she headed back to the lobby. Kurt went in and realized Rachel had not been exaggerating. He wasn't ready to see his boyfriend like that. His eyes were black, there was a huge bruise on the side of his face, and hand prints on his throat. Kurt didn't want to think about how badly he'd been beaten for the bruises to still be visible a week later.There were some bandages on Blaine's chest peeking over the blanket, but everything else was hidden or facing away. He sat in the chair beside Blaine's bed deciding to let him sleep. The longer he sat there in silence, however, the harder it became. He circled the bed to see bandages and gauze taped over his back and felt the tears start shaking him silently as he returned to the chair and put his head in his hands.

"Kurt?"

He inhaled sharply, trying to pull himself together instantly. "Hey," he said as brightly as he could manage.

Blaine reached and Kurt took the hand in both of his. "Why are you crying?"

"Because you are hurt," he replied as honestly as possible. "I don't like seeing you hurt."

Blaine stared at him and Kurt was surprised to still see trust in them. "Thank you for seeing me anyway," he whispered.

Kurt swallowed against the tightness in his throat and just nodded. Blaine squeezed his hand and said, "Is it okay?"

"Is what okay, sweetheart?"

"Being here right now."

"Oh, honey, I have spent the past week trying to find you. There is nowhere I would rather be."

"I'd like to tell you something similar, but apparently they've kept me unconscious with drugs, so it's only been like a day for me."

Kurt reached out to touch his hair, asking "Is this okay?" and Blaine nodded as he shut his eyes and melted under the tender touch. "I'll make sure he spends the rest of his life in prison for this," Kurt promised. "The police can't ignore me now."

Blaine seemed content and almost sleepy as he said, "Tell them to get his phone. He filmed some of it." Kurt froze and Blaine opened his eyes. When he saw the look on Kurt's face, he looked away. "Please let them deal with it. Don't... don't watch it."

Kurt nodded. He didn't want to see it. Then he remembered Blaine wasn't looking at him. "You can tell me whatever you want, whenever you want. If you don't want me to know something, I'll do my best not to find out." He resumed the gentle motion of running his fingers through Blaine's curls. "And if you do ever want to talk, I promise nothing you tell me can change how I feel about you."

Blaine had relaxed again, and casually, sleepily again, he breathed "I love you."

Kurt's hand hitched but he didn't stop this time. "I love you, too," he replied, trying to keep the surprise out of his voice. Blaine's eyes opened so that he could smile at Kurt before letting them fall closed again. "I'm going to fall asleep if you keep that up."

"Maybe I should let you," Kurt replied. "Rest is probably a thing you're supposed to be getting."

"Can I kiss you?" Blaine asked quietly.

Kurt scooted closer to the bed and cupped Blaine's face in his hands, gently so as not to put a lot of pressure on the bruise, and kissed him slowly. He rested his head against Blaine's, letting the relief finally flood him. Blaine was alive. He wasn't okay, but he would be. "I don't what I would've done if I'd lost you," Kurt whispered.

He felt Blaine's hand slip under his arm to sort of hug him. "I'm sorry. I'm not going anywhere."

"Do you... do you still want to be with me?" Kurt asked.

"Nothing has changed for me," Blaine replied. "Except I don't think I want to be tied up anymore. Maybe some day but not... not any time soon."

Kurt nodded against Blaine's forehead. "We don't have to do anything. We can just be like that day in the park, no power exchange, no nothing."

"I like being yours, Sir," Blaine said quietly and it had a completely different effect on Kurt than it usually did. He felt warmed, and almost overwhelmed by trust.

"Then that's what you'll be."

"Will you be my emergency contact?" Blaine asked.

Kurt nodded. "Whatever you need."

Blaine didn't let go but he pulled away and Kurt thought he recognized it as a nervous gesture now. "Can I tell them you can make medical decisions for me?"

"If you think I can, I will. I don't know very much about your history, Blaine."

"It's in my record. They always talk about the risks before they let you choose. And I just don't want to think about any of it."

Kurt nodded. "Whatever you need, I will do my best."

Blaine leaned in to him again. "I need you to hold me," he said. "Except I feel like that'll hurt."

Kurt knelt on his chair so he could be a little taller and a little closer to the sub. "As soon as your doctor says it's okay, I will take you home and hold you until you can't stand it anymore."

"So for the rest of my life," Blaine grinned, and Kurt felt his heart leap at the sight. Blaine folded his free arm so that it rested under Kurt's cheek. "I already told the doctors not to give me morphine and I guess they noted in my file to not use anything that can risk dependency. But in case you're in charge next time, that's really important to me."

"I hope there won't be a next time," Kurt whispered.

Suddenly there was a knock and the door opened to reveal a doctor who clearly hadn't been expecting to find anyone in the room besides her patient. Taking in the scene quickly, she decided Kurt belonged there and reached out to shake each of their hands. "Dr. Hanson," she introduced herself. "I've been handling Mr. Anderson's case."

In spite of the professionalism, there was an underlying warmth to her that made Kurt glad she was in charge of Blaine when he couldn't be there. She was looking expectantly at Kurt, but before he could introduce himself Blaine said, "This is Kurt Hummel. My partner and medical proxy. If the paperwork isn't in my file, I'll fill it out again."

Kurt tried not to look surprised by this turn of events. There was no way there was paperwork in the file on his being Blaine's proxy and he almost couldn't detect the lie. Dr. Hanson flipped through the file and came up predictably empty. "I'll make sure you get a new form as soon as possible. Sorry about that." She smiled warmly at Kurt and he realized the lie had given him more standing in the doctor's eyes. "Am I correct in assuming you'll be the one caring for him once he's ready to be released?"

"Yes," he replied without hesitation and he felt Blaine's hand tighten around his comfortably. "Do you have any idea when that will be?"

She looked at the chart and said, "Mr. Anderson has extensive burns and lacerations that we want to keep an eye on for a little while longer. Luckily there won't be any need for grafts, and there aren't any signs of infection. If you can afford to stay home with him, we can release him sooner than later, but he will need help doing every day things for quite a while."

"I can do that," Kurt confirmed. In fact, he wanted nothing more than to care for Blaine every hour of the day now. He wasn't sure he'd ever let the sub out of his sight again. "Whatever he needs."

She smiled again. "Good. Right now, he needs rest. I'll let you both have a few more minutes, but then I'm going to have to insist he gets some sleep."

"He can't stay?" Blaine asked uncertainly.

"I promise you we've circulated your attacker's picture among the hospital security and have a guard nearby at all times."

"You mean he wasn't arrested?" Blaine asked.

His grip on Kurt's hand grew painful but the Dom made no move to stop him. "We weren't able to hold him," she replied sympathetically. "The police have been informed."

As soon as she left, Kurt gave him an intense look. "I'll fix this," he promised. "I'll do whatever it takes. Whatever evidence they need, I'll find it. He'll never get near you again."

Blaine nodded and Kurt kissed his forehead, telling him how brave he was, and how proud of him Kurt was. "I love you," Blaine said and Kurt echoed the sentiment. "Thank you."


	14. Shadow on the Wall

_Blaine smiled as he and Tyler swayed regulation-distance apart to a slow song. This had been a great decision. Sure, they were bullied in the halls at school for being openly gay, but no one had said a thing to them here. They were having a good time, dancing just like everyone else. Tyler was smiling back and him and Blaine felt his stomach flip. This was the best night of his life._

_As the song ended, and another pounding dance beat started, Tyler leaned in and said "I'm gonna get some air. Want to join?"_

_Blaine knew "air" meant outside and that "join" probably meant something else, too. They went around the side of the building where a few trees blocked their view of the entrance. Sometimes they would hang out here to get away, and it definitely felt like_ their _place. "So I know I said I wanted air," Tyler said, "but really I just wanted to kiss you."_

_Blaine nodded, feeling a little breathless at the frank and take-charge way Tyler had brought it up. "Me too." Tyler wasted no time in closing the distance between them, and Blaine soon found himself pressed against the wall with Tyler's hands roaming his sides. He'd never felt so good in his life._

Blaine had a lot of trouble sleeping after Kurt left. Between his worry over Eli being loose and the awkward position on his side that he couldn't technically move from, he realized soon he was doomed to simply register every minuscule increase of his pain level as the meds they gave him switched from the morphine. By the time the sun came up, he was so exhausted he finally managed to fall asleep, though it was fitful.

He kept having bad dreams about Sadie Hawkins, except he was there with Kurt. Then suddenly Sadie Hawkins became Los Angeles and the bullies all became Eli and Blaine wasn't there, so it was just Kurt and a gang of Eli lookalikes. By the time he woke up, he would have been convinced Eli had gotten to his Dom if Kurt weren't sitting next to him, reading a magazine. The other man immediately turned to Blaine who was still too raw to hide his fear. "It's okay," he soothed. "You're safe. I've got you."

The fingers gently tracing his hair behind his ear helped check his fear and soon he was as relaxed as he could be. "How are you feeling?" Kurt asked after another moment.

"Better now that you're here," Blaine replied. 

"I don't know what better means," Kurt stated firmly and took his hand away.

Blaine's eyes shot open and he could tell Kurt was struggling not to soothe him again. This was a punishment for not answering. He took a moment to order his thoughts. "A bit more pain since they switched my meds. Bad dreams. Worried about Eli."

Kurt seemed almost relieved to return to gently stroking Blaine's face and hair. "I was actually stopped by a guard on my way to your room to make sure my name was on your list, so you don't have to worry too much about him."

Blaine took the hand that was on his face, wanting to hold it. Kurt compensated by using his other hand to cup Blaine's cheek. "I'm worried about him retaliating by going after you."

Kurt kissed him gently. "My friend Sam has been staying with me. I don't know if you remember making drinks for him and his girlfriend Mercedes? He's pretty big, and between the two of us I think we can keep safe."

Blaine relaxed a little. He did remember Sam, though he didn't think he knew the man's name before. He traced the fingers of the hand he'd claimed and saw Kurt shiver a little. "I wish I were with you," he said.

"Soon," Kurt promised. "They just want to make sure you're healed enough that a lay person such as myself can take care of you."

"Too bad I can't make it go faster." They lapsed into silence for a few minutes while Blaine touched Kurt's hand and Kurt ran his fingers through Blaine's hair. "Are the police going to have to talk to me?" he finally asked. He'd been dreading it, but he sort of thought it might be easier to tell them what happened than Kurt. He didn't know them or have any reason to trust them, but he also would probably never have to see them again. He wouldn't have to face what that knowledge did to their opinion of him. He didn't have to worry about them hurting over what happened.

Kurt hesitated and Blaine took that to mean yes. "I actually just came from the police," Kurt said.

"I can handle it," Blaine promised. "I'm not going to fall apart if I have to tell them what happened."

"That's not the problem," Kurt sighed. "Rachel and I showed them the texts he sent from my phone. Eli told them you came to him, and I guess because of the nature of our relationship, they aren't taking me seriously."

"But the videos on his phone-"

"They said they had no reason to think it wasn't consensual."

"Apparently Eli told them you had a different safe word and that it was some kind of- of-" Kurt swallowed and Blaine felt so guilty and awful for him as he said, "rape play." He cleared his throat. "Anyway, I think they were looking for an excuse to not get involved. But I'm handling it. Which... I have a plan, but I don't want to do it without talking to you."

"Okay," Blaine said, but he got the feeling it wouldn't be.

"I want to tell people what he did. The community is really good at cutting out creeps, and I wouldn't tell them it was you, but... realistically, people are going to know who it was, and not everyone will keep the knowledge of who we are inside the community. People will know you, and they'll know you're into kink."

"Why not just tell everyone?" Blaine asked genuinely. "That might put pressure on the police..."

"I thought about that," Kurt agreed, "but I also know that a lot of people agree with the police. That any kind of kink is somehow abuse so anyone who actually gets hurt doing it was..." Blaine kissed Kurt's hand, knowing the words he couldn't bring himself to say.

"The fact that I did ask for it doesn't help," Blaine nodded. "What about your career? Won't people think you're just another abuser?"

"If you think for one minute my career is more important to me than your safety, or anyone's safety, you don't know me at all. Anyway, I don't have a career anymore."

"I don't care what anyone out there thinks of me," Blaine told Kurt. "Just you."

"So then you'll let me tell them?"

"I don't want to tell you any details," Blaine said.

Kurt bit his lip. "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. But it would help if I could tell them what he did, how much happened after you used your safe word."

"I don't care what they think about me, but I care what you do, and if it hurts you this much to see the end result, I cannot possibly tell you about the process."

"Seeing him go consequence-free hurts me too, Blaine. If I'm all that's stopping you, please don't let me. I can handle it and honestly, I'd rather know. I can't take care of problems I don't know about."

Blaine pressed his lips together. He wanted to please Kurt, but every time he- "What are you thinking?" Kurt interrupted. "You don't need to tell me anything, but I'd like to know why you don't want to tell me, if you know."

"I really do love you," he said.

"I can hear a 'but' in there," Kurt observed and the sub hated the insecurity he heard in the light hearted tone. He didn't hate that Kurt was insecure. That in itself was reassuring. He hated that he caused that insecurity.

Blaine released Kurt's hand and drew his own closer to his torso, fighting the urge to hug himself. "Every time I fall for someone, it ends badly. Even if they care for me, too."

Kurt seemed to really think about those words and Blaine appreciated it. He'd expected an immediate refusal, assurance that Kurt would never leave or get hurt or anything else that Blaine expected by now. "I can't promise that we're going to live happily ever after," Kurt told him. "I can promise that I want to. I want to make this work with you for as long as possible, and if you want that too, then it will work for as long as possible."

Blaine stared at Kurt. "I didn't think there was anything you could say, but as usual... you always know what to say."

"You're important. I try my hardest for you."

"Just... there are things about me that you don't know. I don't want you to see me differently."

"I know more than you probably think."

Blaine wasn't sure what that meant and it kind of worried him. He tried so hard to present a certain image of himself, especially now that he was sober. He didn't want it shattered. "Like what?"

"Like things I was going to pretend not to know until you wanted me to."

"Then... let's try this from a different angle. Is there anything you could find out about me that... that would make you not want me anymore?"

"I don't think so," Kurt said, but he at least appeared to be thinking it over. "I guess if you'd killed someone in cold blood. Or if you weren't actually the beautiful man I've gotten to know and it's all been a carefully constructed character."

"I'm not beautiful."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and you cannot behold yourself, honey."

"What about sex work?"

Kurt hesitated and Blaine felt his stomach drop. Then he said, "That's the thing I sort of already know."

Blaine shook his head. "You can't know that. I never told anyone."

"I have a friend who used to strip and he recognized you."

"I- I wasn't talking about stripping," Blaine said, feeling naked in a very bad way suddenly.

"Unless you have intentionally harmed someone, Blaine, nothing can change how I feel about you. In fact, knowing what I do just makes me admire you more. The amount of strength you have to fight addiction, to still be trusting and loving after being treated so badly... I just feel lucky that you chose me."

Blaine blinked away the wetness in his eyes. "What do you want to know?" he asked tensely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, fun story. I had picked a completely different song for this chapter, and was dead set on it. And then I started writing the flashback at the beginning, mostly just because I wanted to establish that Blaine's kink existed before anything bad happened to him (You probably know a lot of people like to portray the BDSM community as damaged goods, and I just wanted to make sure I wasn't spreading that false narrative of "kinky because of mental illness/abuse" BS because I've been worried about that this whole fic.) and somehow wound up with this whole explanation of why Blaine has so many walls no matter how much he cares about someone, and had to pick a completely different song. (I mean, I already knew, but it happening there changed my chapter a little is all.)
> 
> Legitimately this is the third time I've tried to use the flashback to establish one thing and ended up with something extra. It's kind of my favorite surprise.
> 
> And then I changed it again because I had my heart set on this song being a chapter and I don't think it'll work later. Was that a spoiler? Maybe.  
> Your music: https://play.spotify.com/user/nonnieholly/playlist/0ndsCWKOU9Y6P4NDlNL5dS


	15. Stand My Ground

_Kurt was never going to a school dance again. He'd let himself believe that McKinley had gotten better, but it had only let its ugliness seep into the shadows. Prom_ queen _? Not even his Glee friends followed him as he ran out of the gym, feeling betrayed and alone. He slid down the lockers, crying. A moment later, the doors opened and he turned away. He didn't want to face the triumphant taunts of whoever had come to do a victory lap or kick him when he was down._

_"Kurt?" It was Rachel. He had no words, so simply turned to look at her and saw Sam beside her. Her face softened when she saw the tears. "Let's get out of here. I bet Breadstix doesn't have a wait for once."_

Kurt was surprised Eli hadn't thought to ban them from the club. It made sense. Why would Eli expect them to come back to the club? Kurt was glad, though. It was karaoke night at Curly's and he had a definite need to get up on that stage to perform. They were taken to a VIP booth and, as planned, Rachel signed up for karaoke under her name. "Are you ready?" Rachel asked.

"No," Kurt said. "But I'm going to do it, and I'm going to get it right. You two?"

He glanced at Sam who nodded. "He won't get out."

Rachel grinned darkly when he met her eyes. "These pipes are warmed up and ready to go."

They had to suffer through several performances before Eli apparently got word that they were here. "I have no idea what would possess you to come here, but I think it's time for you to leave.

"My friend Rachel wanted to perform some karaoke," Kurt said. "If you want to kick us out, I will definitely make a scene and you will not like it."

"Oh, so you're blackmailing me now?"

"We just want to enjoy karaoke night," Rachel cut in.

Eli looked uncomfortable, but he knew Kurt was right. The middle of the floor was the perfect place for him to start yelling accusations- except, of course, for the stage. Eli was back at the bar when they called Rachel's name. She and Kurt headed up to the stage for their song, and Eli started for them and reached the stage by the time the music started: "Skyfall." He seemed utterly perplexed when Kurt started singing the song as if it were an ordinary karaoke night. Rachel sang the second verse and, as she went into the chorus solo, Kurt started talking into his mic. "My name is Kurt Hummel. You might recognize me if you've seen that movie 'Star Child.' I've also been a member of the kink community for about five years." 

Eli was motioning for the sound guy to cut Kurt's mic, but the sound guy was only paying attention to Kurt. In a rage, Eli headed to the back of the room for the sound board and its operator. "The club owner here was such a fan of my work that he gave me and my friends one of those VIP rooms for free. I've recently gotten to see some of his work, and it was so... Well, I just had to share it with all of you. Sam?"

Kurt peered out into the audience and Sam had forcibly stopped Eli halfway to the sound board. "My beautiful, wonderful sub has been in the hospital for a week and a half because of the owner of this club, Eli Collins. He stole my cell phone and tricked my sub into meeting him for a 'punishment' that began with a whipping so severe he used his safe word over and over until he was too tired to do anything but cry. He bound my sub unsafely, causing damage to his legs that will take months of physical therapy just so he can walk again. My sub was burned with acid and raped with salt before being dumped, bloody and unconscious in a park. Like trash. The doctors kept him in a medically induced coma for a full week because his injuries were so severe they did not want to risk him being conscious while they healed."

"This is slander!" Eli was yelling. "None of that is true!"

"Oh, I'm getting to that," Kurt said darkly. "Could someone please get Mr. Collins's cell phone? This monster actually _filmed_ while he tortured my sub. While we're waiting on that, I'd like to explain that I am up here not because I want to air my personal life in public, but because I don't know what else to do. Because my sub is male and a part of this community, I'm sure you can imagine the police aren't convinced he didn't somehow deserve being tortured unconscious only to be tortured again when he woke." Someone Kurt didn't recognize handed him a phone. It was locked. "What's the passcode, Eli?"

Sam and, Kurt was thrilled to note, one of the security guards were forcibly escorting Eli to the stage. The song had long been over, but Rachel was still standing beside him. "Unlock it," Kurt ordered in his most terrifying Dom voice. Seeing no alternative, Eli did as he was ordered. Kurt found the videos quickly and almost lost his nerve. He made sure the volume was up all the way and held the phone to the mic as it played. At first there was just pained screaming, and then Kurt made out some words. "Eli, please!" Blaine was yelling. "Eli, I used my safe word, Eli! Stop! Please, stop! Please, my safe word, please..." Then he heard Eli's voice, almost as clear as if he'd been speaking into the microphone himself.

"I don't care about your safe word, you little bitch. I'm going to do whatever I want to you and the less you like it, the more I will."

Kurt saw that people were standing, converging as if to make a wall that Eli could not get past to the exit and he decided they'd all heard enough. Eli snatched the microphone from Kurt and snarled, "It was play rape. His safe word was red. I won't stand for these fucking ridiculous accusations in my club!"

Rachel handed Kurt her microphone. "With me, his safe word is red," Kurt agreed, "because I insisted he did not use my name like he did with his last Dom. You're an unknown. He would never use your name in a scene unless something was wrong." Kurt felt his voice break on that last word and he had to hand the microphone back to Rachel because he couldn't speak anymore. Those screams were going to haunt him. He turned his back on the audience, not wanting them to see the tears he was fighting back.

"I think we can all agree this menace deserves life in prison," Rachel stated. "But without police, that's not going to happen. So we are asking you to make sure every club you know, every kinkster you ever talk to knows the name Eli Collins and the face that goes with it. This community is no place for abusers and rapists like him. We're asking you to make sure he's put out and kept out. We're also asking that you do not attach Kurt's name to the story for the sake of his sub's privacy. And, he's too good to care, but I'm asking you not to spread his involvement in the community if at all possible. I think you all know what that does to someone professionally."

Kurt turned to protest, but was stopped short when Eli lunged at him. Sam grappled but didn't catch him and he managed to land a few blows before Sam and the security guard pulled him off Kurt. He nodded to Rachel to show he was okay. "I think we're done here," Rachel said. "I know Kurt wants to get back to the hospital to see his sub." She glared at Eli, who glared right back. 

Quiet enough so that only Eli and the pair holding him could hear, Kurt said "I hope some day someone puts you through what you put Blaine through."

The security guard recognized the name as Kurt said it, so Kurt nodded at him. " _That_ Blaine," he told the guard in that same quiet voice.

He saw a look in the guard's eye that said Eli was going to have a bad night. Kurt really liked that look. 

Kurt received several nods and pats on the shoulder as he left with Rachel and Sam. Once they got to the cab, Kurt took a shuddering breath. "I never want to hear that again," he said, holding the phone out as if it had the plague.

"I'll take care of it," Rachel said. At Kurt's look, she said, "Nothing public. I'm not going to put it anywhere. I'm just going to keep it safe in case the police wake up or you need the evidence. Marc is actually really great at tech stuff, and he'll help me without asking questions."

Kurt nodded, oddly feeling no reluctance as he handed over the most personal thing he possibly could.

When they finally got to the hospital, Kurt didn't even get a greeting out before Blaine said, "What happened to your eye?"

"Collateral damage," he shrugged. "Eli will find it just about impossible to hurt anyone ever again. That's worth a black eye."

Blaine looked distressed, and Kurt immediately moved to cuddle him as best he could without touching any bandaged areas. "Now that you've done that, can you please never go near anyone like that again?"

"I promise," Kurt breathed and pressed a gentle kiss to his sub's lips. "I want to be with you as long as I can. Staying safe is part of that plan."

Blaine leaned up for another kiss and Kurt complied. He stroked Blaine's face and ran his fingers into the curly locks. He loved the way Blaine responded to having his hair played with, the way he relaxed and looked pleased as if Kurt had praised him for something. "I heard a rumor that they gave you a date for when you can go home," Kurt whispered. It had the desired effect and Blaine seemed to cheer up a bit.

"If you can be here, tomorrow they're going to show you while they change my bandages. Sort of a teaching thing," Blaine said. "And then they'll let you take me home."

Kurt felt his heart leap and he rolled his eyes fondly. "If I can be here," he repeated to emphasize how ludicrous it sounded. "I can't wait to take you home and take care of you."

Blaine was giving Kurt the biggest heart eyes he'd ever seen and he couldn't help but kiss him again. "My place or yours?" Blaine asked.

"I think mine for now," Kurt said. "Mostly because yours does not have an elevator and the steps to the building are quite a lot more than mine. But also because I know where everything is at mine."

"I like the sound of that," he agreed. "Can we share your bed again?"

Kurt frowned a little. "I tend to move in my sleep. I'd be afraid of hurting you."

"But I want to hold you," Blaine said. "I want it more than anything."

"I know," Kurt sighed. "I want that, too. How about we compromise? I'll cuddle with you during the day and then sleep on the couch at night?"

"Are you sure you don't want the bed?" Blaine worried.

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Blaine, you will sleep in the bed. That is a hard limit for me. I'm not putting you on a couch like this."

"I'm not sure I've heard anyone use hard limit outside scene talk."

Kissing him again, Kurt said, "It was the only thing I could think of to describe how serious I am. It's not up for debate. Besides, I've slept on that couch plenty of times. It's perfectly comfortable."

"I have a condition," Blaine told him and Kurt was barely able to keep from reminding him that hard limits didn't get conditions, but he waited anyway. "More kissing."

Kurt chuckled. "I can do that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so I only have one completed chapter after this. I won't promise any time frames because that always jinxes me. All I'll commit to is that I am hoping to post at least one every week. (Admittedly, I'm shooting for two, but just pretend I said one so you'll be less disappointed if/when I fail.)
> 
> Your music: https://play.spotify.com/user/nonnieholly/playlist/0ndsCWKOU9Y6P4NDlNL5dS


	16. In My Head

_Mr. Anderson ruffled his son Blaine's hair as he got home from school. "Sport, I have got a surprise for you!" Blaine tried to look enthusiastic, but his dad only called him sport when he was trying to have_ guy time _also know as make-Blaine-straight time. He followed his dad out to the garage where a car frame was sitting with a puzzle that he guessed they were supposed to form into an engine. "We are going to build this thing from the ground up, and we've got to finish it in the next year."_

_"I don't think that's enough time to build a whole car, dad," Blaine remarked dubiously._

_"Well, it better be otherwise your sixteenth birthday present is going to be a big let down!" His dad was laughing and Blaine tried to smile like he was excited, but he didn't really want a car. He wasn't even sure he wanted to build one. "Come on, grab a wrench, let's put some hair on that chest!"_

_"What if I don't want hair on my chest?" Blaine asked. He felt angry. Why was his dad always pushing him toward some ideal without even asking what Blaine wanted?_

_"You want to be a man, don't you?"_

_Blaine couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I am one, dad," he bit out. "And I'm tired of pretending I was beat up for being weak. I was beat up for being gay, and losing when the odds were five to two- not in my favor- does not make me weak. It makes me outnumbered."_

_"You're not gay."_

_"I_ am _gay."_

_"If you were gay, then you wouldn't be allowed in this house."_

Blaine smiled at Kurt once he returned from talking to the doctor in the hall. Changing his bandages wasn't exactly painless, but it hurt less and less each time. It hurt even less than usual with Kurt's hand in his. Sure, Kurt wouldn't be able to hold his hand when he was the one doing the changing, but being in an apartment that smelled like Kurt instead of hospital would just about make up for it.

He'd learned that part of the reason they'd kept him a few extra days after he woke up was that they wanted to make sure his skin had healed together for the most part so that it wouldn't tear open in the wheelchair. Still, it was uncomfortable even sitting slightly turned on his hip. He was actually getting very tired of lying on his side and had every intention of trying to sleep on his back. The wounds had mostly closed, so it shouldn't be a problem. It'd hurt, but probably not more than a sunburn, right? He was especially not going to let it stop him from cuddling his Dom.

"Just so you know," Kurt said as he started wheeling him slowly down the halls, "Rachel is going to want to come visit soon. And I think Sam would like to meet you properly when you're not making drinks."

"He did a pretty great Bond impression," Blaine recalled. "Pretty sure someone like that is worth hanging out with."

Kurt laughed a little and kissed his head. "If you get him started on impressions, it's only fair to warn you that Rachel and I might have to leave for another room."

"He does more than the one?" Blaine asked and Kurt could hear the excited grin in his voice.

"Alright. I'll make sure Rachel visits at the same time so you and Sam can have impressions time."

Blaine reached to place his hand over Kurt's where it pushed one of the chair's handles. "Not today," Blaine said quietly.

"Not today," Kurt agreed. "I don't think I'm ready to share you yet."

"I don't want to share you yet either," Blaine agreed. "Not tomorrow either."

"I can live with that."

"Maybe the day after."

"How about we see how you're feeling tomorrow night?"

Blaine shut his eyes and leaned his head against their hands. "Okay."

They wheeled outside and Blaine smiled as the sun hit his face for the first time in almost two weeks. "You know, I don't normally drive in LA, but for you I made an exception." Blaine opened his eyes to see Kurt was wheeling toward the parking lot. "My dad gets on me about it, actually. Says a car that you drive every day for ten years will be in better shape than one that you just park for the same amount of time. They need running or something."

"My dad tried to build a car with me once," Blaine said. "Was your dad into cars, too?"

"Mine's actually a mechanic. Tried? Didn't go so well?"

"One of his many attempts to turn me straight," Blaine replied.

Kurt stopped pushing and let them coast so that he could touch Blaine's hair comfortingly as he said, "I'm sorry. I can't imagine how hard it must be to have a dad who doesn't support you."

"He didn't understand me," Blaine shrugged. 

"Mine didn't really understand me either, but he still supported me."

Blaine sighed. "It feels like a lifetime ago. Honestly, I'm over it. I know I should probably be bothered, but I'm just not. There's not enough room in my heart to hurt over someone who means as little to me as he does."

"But he's your dad."

"He never really acted like it, so I never really developed that attachment to him."

Kurt took a minute to think about that and must have decided to let it go. He had to stop petting Blaine's hair in order to get the chair moving again and kissed him apologetically. "I guess it's just hard for me to get that," he finally said. "My mom died when I was eight, so my dad and I were really close. We were all each other had."

That was enough for Blaine to open his eyes and seek out Kurt's. "I'm sorry," he said. He cherished every new piece of information he learned about Kurt. "My mom was an alcoholic who didn't ever really interact with me. I'm not sure if that's better or worse."

"Both," Kurt said as he stopped the chair by a truck in a handicap spot. "It's easiest to just say it wasn't good. Everything's always better in some ways and worse in others. Like this truck. It's going to be worse to get you into than a cab, but it'll be better because we can take as long as we need and I know I'm going to drive slowly and avoid the potholes for you."

"My hero," Blaine grinned.

Kurt unlocked it and opened the passenger door. "Ready?" he asked. Blaine nodded and put his arm around Kurt's shoulders, leaning into him once he was upright. Kurt let him stay that way, embracing him carefully as Blaine relaxed against him. Well, he relaxed as much as he could without falling over. Finally, Kurt said gently, "As much as I would love to hold you and never stop, I'd like it even more not in a parking lot."

Blaine laughed and agreed. He was impressed by Kurt's strength as he lifted Blaine into the truck, struggling only a little because he was trying too hard to keep Blaine from touching _anything_. Though his legs were weak, he was still able to contribute a bit and soon Kurt was loading the chair into the backseat as Blaine was navigating the new pain of seat belts.

"Is it awful?" Kurt asked when he saw Blaine struggling.

"No," Blaine said. "Most of it just feels like a bad bruise or a sunburn now."

Kurt rubbed the side of Blaine's leg, just half of it, and Blaine realized he must have memorized where the burns were while the bandages were changed in order to find the one zone of healthy skin on his thigh. "You're wonderful," Blaine uttered, needing Kurt to know just how much he was appreciated.

"You're not so bad yourself," Kurt smirked. "Watch out."

Blaine leaned away from the door as Kurt shut it and was infinitely pleased when the Dom took his hand after starting the car and putting it into gear. "Shouldn't you be driving with both hands?" the sub asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I will when I need to," Kurt promised. "But for now, it makes me feel a lot better for you to hold my hand."

Blaine smiled to himself and let his thumb trace the back of Kurt's hand. He was gratified to see his Dom smile at the small show of affection. "I hope you know that every physical therapy session, I'm going to be picturing the meal I'm gonna cook for you once I can stand again."

Kurt laughed and Blaine felt giddy. "If it's worth the kind of work physical therapy takes, I can't begin to imagine how amazing this meal is going to be."

"Oh, it's probably going to be the best anyone's ever cooked," Blaine said. "Especially with all the time I'm gonna get to plan it... I'll probably have a whole month of meals planned."

Kurt squeezed his hand. "I can't wait."

"Though I might accidentally burn it," Blaine remarked suggestively.

"What? Why?"

"To earn a punishment."

Kurt seemed a little put off by that and Blaine wished he hadn't said it. It had been an awful idea to bring it up so soon after Kurt had seen the burns and the lash marks for the first time. "I don't know if I can hurt you, Blaine."

"I know," Blaine replied gently. "I'm sorry for bringing it up."

"No, I want you to bring up anything you want with me," Kurt said firmly. "And if that's what you want, I'll try. I'm just... It's a lot today."

"Everything that happened," Blaine said seriously. "It happened because you care and because you are a good Dom. It's not your fault."

Kurt blinked and Blaine knew he wasn't imagining the shine to his eyes. "Thank you, Blaine."

"I mean it," he insisted. "There is only one person to blame for this, and that is Eli."

"I know."

"And I know you still feel guilty," Blaine told him softly. "But you don't need to. I could just as easily argue that I should have known you would never let someone you didn't know punish me."

"I would never let anyone else punish you," Kurt replied immediately. "No matter how well I knew them. You're too important to trust to someone else."

"What about Rachel?" Blaine asked.

"Do you... want a punishment from Rachel?"

"No, I was just wondering. I figured if you trusted anyone-"

"Do you want someone else to punish you?" Kurt asked and Blaine got the idea it was a genuine question, so he took a moment to think.

"Maybe? If you don't want to, and there's someone you'd trust to do it."

Kurt nodded. "I guess... we can consider it. But only if I can't be what you need."

"Good. I much prefer you."

Kurt smiled without reply and they lapsed into silence for the rest of the ride. It took a lot longer than it would have in a cab or, Blaine decided, if they'd been driving in Ohio. Helping him out of the truck was a lot faster and easier than helping him in and he was a little bit nervous as Kurt pulled him backward up the two steps to get into the apartment building. He was infinitely relieved when they got into the apartment. Kurt seemed to have the same thought as Blaine because he immediately knelt by the chair, gently pulling Blaine's face down to kiss him. He lost himself in Kurt's lips and the whoosh of his breath, hoping as they finally broke apart that it was only to relocate. 

"Are you hungry?" Kurt asked. "Did they feed you before I got there?"

Blaine nodded. "Good old hospital jell-o," he rolled his eyes. "I never want to eat that stuff again."

"How about some real food?" his Dom suggested.

"And then I can hold you?"

"And then we will lie in bed together until I can't stay awake anymore."

Blaine touched Kurt's face and the Dom seemed to read his mind, pressing his lips to Blaine's. "It's like you knew exactly what conditions I was going to negotiate," he grinned.

"I'm learning," Kurt agreed. He pushed Blaine to the table in the kitchen and opened the fridge. "I've got apples and grapes, salad, and some pasta I can heat up."

"Definitely salad," Blaine said. "They gave me pasta yesterday and I think I'm put off it for at least a week. Sorry."

Kurt just smiled. "Anything else you're put off for a while?"

"Awkward processed turkey. Watery syrupy fruit cups. Pancakes."

Kurt only grinned. "Noted."

"Are you making fun of me?" Blaine accused, but he was smiling.

"Never."

Blaine sort of believed him, but wasn't entirely sure. He ate the salad Kurt whipped up quickly, but Kurt took his time as always. "I wish you'd stop rushing your food," Kurt said. "It's not healthy."

"And you're not going to speed up just because I do," Blaine agreed. "I get it."

"If it really makes you happy to eat quickly, then go ahead. Unless you're interested in TPE, I'm not about to make rules about how quickly you can eat."

Blaine narrowed his eyes. "That could be interesting."

Kurt seemed a little surprised. "You do know what TPE is?"

"Well, not 24/7, but a weekend or so could be fun."

Kurt nodded, taking in the new information with a bite of salad. He chewed, swallowed, and said, "Well, let's get you healed up first and then we'll talk about that again."

Blaine agreed, watching Kurt's mouth as he ate, looking away with a wince as he started to get turned on.

"Alright, love?" Kurt asked, putting his fork down and looking ready to get up.

"Looking too hard at your lips," Blaine said. When Kurt seemed confused, he added, "You're a little too sexy for my own good right now."

"Oh," said Kurt and then, " _Oh_ ," as he remembered Blaine had burns down there. "Honey, I'm sorry. Will it help if I start wearing sweats?"

Blaine giggled a little. "This is all on me," he promised. "There is nothing you could do to make yourself unattractive."

"Well, I can't argue with that," he smirked. Kurt took a few more bites before covering his leftovers and putting them away. He cleared Blaine's plate, rinsing it and putting it in the dishwasher. Blaine made a mental note to remember that Kurt handled dishes immediately and that he liked rinsing them before putting them in the washer. "Now we can go to bed."

Blaine beamed, far past ready to curl up with his Dom. Kurt seemed shocked that Blaine insisted on so much bodily contact, but he didn't object and seemed intent on remaining fairly still for which Blaine was grateful. Movement jarred his burns which were on his front, the side he'd pressed against the other man. Kurt's hand cupped the back of Blaine's head and he fitted his other arm against Blaine's. He wondered if Kurt had been planning this cuddle session as long as Blaine had since his hands were in the best possible positions they could be without touching an injury. It took some effort, but he hooked his knee over Kurt's.

"I've been dying for this," Kurt confessed. "I'm so glad you still want me."

"I'll always want you," Blaine replied in a tone that conveyed just how ridiculous he thought it was that Kurt might have doubted it.

"Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What would you do if I ended it there what would you do? Hm?
> 
> Please don't kill me. It was a joke. There's still Brittana's wedding, after all! Kurt's still unemployed! (Are my priorities in that order? Maybe.)(This could explain a lot about my life.)(Have I had too much caffeine? Oh, definitely.)
> 
> And this is the final completed chapter I have. It's definitely not the last, but you probably won't get one tomorrow is all I'm saying.  
> Your music: https://play.spotify.com/user/nonnieholly/playlist/0ndsCWKOU9Y6P4NDlNL5dS


	17. Be Okay

_Kurt winced as he saw the damage he'd caused. He was glad Chandler couldn't see his face because he didn't want his sub to be afraid to ask for what he wanted. Even if Kurt was starting to think he couldn't provide it. He wanted to help and he didn't know how. Was this unhealthy? He was torn between trying to convince Chandler to talk to a professional and not wanting to suggest that his sub's kink was anything more than a kink. Plenty of people genuinely liked this and it wasn't because they were mentally ill or abused. It was true that Chandler's need for punishment had gotten more intense since they switched, but that didn't mean it was related. His gut told him it was, but Chandler told him it wasn't._

 _Kurt was gentle as he massaged ointment to the welts and places where he'd managed to break the skin. Chandler moved slightly under the attention, moaning in pained pleasure. Once Kurt had finished, Chandler seemed to want nothing more than kissing and contact and Kurt was convinced again that he was overthinking it. Chandler was fine._

"Is it really that bad?" Blaine asked. 

Kurt realized he'd completely zoned out in the middle of changing Blaine's bandages. He traced the healthy skin between two lash marks with a featherlight touch causing Blaine to shiver. "Sorry, I checked out for a minute. It actually looks a lot better." 

"It feels a lot better when you do that," Blaine replied. Kurt repeated the action a few times on every healthy patch of skin on Blaine's back causing him to let out a cross between a sigh and a moan. Kurt kissed the back of Blaine's neck and nuzzled his hair a bit. "If changing my bandages is going to be like this every time, I'm not sure I want to heal." Blaine had turned to look at him, giving him a look that was a cross between sleepy and happy. It said Blaine probably thought Kurt could pull the stars from the sky if he wanted. 

Kurt kissed his lips. "But if you heal, I can touch you everywhere," Kurt reminded him. 

"I know, but it sends these tingles to the hurt parts that feels good," Blaine told him. "Like, if it were any more intense, it'd hurt. It's like the tingles that come after a spanking." Kurt gave him a small smile, but his eyes were tracing the nearly-faded bruising on his face. Blaine reached for Kurt's hand, knowing where Kurt's mind was spiraling. "I trust you, Kurt. And you can always decide my punishments. That's the point. If you want my punishment to be kneeling quietly or cleaning the kitchen or standing in the corner, that's what it'll be. I never want to upset you." 

Placing another gentle kiss on Blaine's forehead, Kurt said "I know, sweetheart. Thank you." He started to apply the cream the doctor had prescribed and could tell it caused the same kind of almost-painful tingles Blaine had described. He didn't put the bandages on right away once he'd finished and instead traced Blaine's back lovingly. "It really does look a lot better. Most of them are closed up." 

"As much as I would love to let you touch me like this forever," Blaine trailed off and they both just stared at each other, eyes soft for a moment. Finally Blaine blinked and finished his sentence, "Rachel and Sam." 

Kurt's eyes widened. He'd completely forgot about time and place, let alone that he should probably get himself and Blaine (maybe the apartment) ready for company. "I guess you probably don't want to greet them naked," he smirked. "Rachel might think it's part of our relationship, but Sam is probably too vanilla to tolerate nudity during a visit." 

Blaine chuckled a little, still gazing at Kurt with those heart eyes. Kurt laughed too. "Oh, he's definitely vanilla, but I'm pretty sure nudity doesn't bother him. He's a model, you know. A lot of underwear, actually." 

"So he's used to a lot but maybe not the whole... package." Blaine smirked at his own pun and Kurt couldn't help but laugh loudly and Blaine joined in. 

"I should make you do it naked just for that horrible pun," Kurt teased and Blaine stopped laughing. Kurt might've been alarmed except that Blaine licked his lips and swallowed like maybe he might be interested in something like that. "But not tonight, and a pun-punishment would be more like... well, something I shouldn't go into until those burns stop bothering you." 

Blaine's eyebrows rose at the implication. "I've got to start using more puns." 

"I'll open a tab," Kurt assured him. 

Blaine was giving him a ridiculous grin. "Wrap it up, Kurt! We've got company coming!" 

"Wrap, yeah," Kurt shook his head. "So that's two. I was thinking fingers up your ass, but I'm gonna run out of fingers at this rate. Then I was thinking spankings, but I want you to be able to sit the next day. Thrusts would be too difficult to get a specific number, and I'm pretty sure I can't _force_ you to have more than two or three orgasms in one go... Of course, I could-" 

"Okay, yellow, I give," Blaine said in a breathy voice. "You are the king of everything sexy." He groaned loudly. "You did that on purpose, Sir." 

Kurt was half hard thinking about doing those things to Blaine and he felt bad that the sub had felt the need to yellow over it, but once he heard the title all guilt vanished and he couldn't stop the erection. His breath had gone shallower than Blaine's and he did his best to ignore it as he took care to secure Blaine's bandages. "Problem, Sir?" Blaine asked with a knowing voice. 

"Cheeky," Kurt chided. 

Blaine wasn't put off in the least and once Kurt was done, he pushed himself up to kiss the Dom. Kurt moaned and lost control a little. They had waited just over a week before inviting Sam and Rachel to visit which meant it had been almost three weeks since they'd been intimate and Kurt had spent so much time in caregiver and protective mode he'd forgotten how good it felt as Blaine started kissing his neck. 

"Please lie back, Sir." 

Kurt wasn't sure what was most attractive: the uncertain way Blaine was trying to take charge, the certain way Blaine was trying to take charge, or the Sir said quietly right next to his ear. He nodded, unable to actually speak he was so turned on, and laid back as Blaine continued to kiss his neck and torso. Kurt actually whimpered as Blaine started to rub his erection through his shorts. Blaine was licking and sucking at one of Kurt's nipples and then blew on it to make it cold before warming it again. "Kiss me," Kurt ordered, intoxicated with the way Blaine was serving him. Blaine kissed Kurt's nipple and Kurt growled. "Kiss my lips," he ordered. 

Blaine smirked and Kurt kissed him extra hard, biting his lip hard enough to indicate he'd been punished but not hard enough to bleed or hurt later. "Cuddle up with me and keep kissing as you jerk me off." Blaine nodded and Kurt could tell the orders were getting to him a little. He moaned into Blaine's mouth as the sub started wanking him harder. Suddenly, Blaine pulled away and Kurt jolted back to reality. 

Blaine's face was twisted in pain and Kurt knew it had gotten too heavy and Blaine had started getting hard. He reached to touch Blaine's face. He was crying a little and Kurt moved close enough to cradle Blaine's head and kiss his hair. 

"How much does it hurt?" he asked quietly. 

"It's okay, I just need a minute." Kurt nodded, letting his face rub Blaine's hair as he did so. Blaine was curled in on himself slightly as Kurt slowly stroked his hair. 

After a moment, Blaine was reaching for Kurt's cock again and the Dom caught his subs hands. "Not when you're hurt," he said quietly. He kissed the top of Blaine's head. "My orders are null and void if you think it's going to make you hard right now, Blaine. I don't want you in pain." 

"I know," Blaine replied and he sounded broken. Kurt squeezed his hand and continued to hold him. He thought he'd hated Eli as much as he could, but this somehow added to the pile. It was more of a mountain than a pile. A planet, really. No, Kurt decided. He could fill a universe with the hatred he felt for Eli Collins. Blaine was quiet as Kurt helped him dress and get into the chair and he knew this dinner was going to be awful. He wanted to talk to Blaine more about what had happened, but Rachel and Sam were early. He almost turned them away, knowing that if any of their scenes had needed aftercare and space, this was it. Blaine insisted he not cancel, though, and since their guests were already there, Kurt guessed it would have to wait until their friends left. 

Things felt strained for Kurt. He wanted Sam and Rachel gone the whole time they were there. He tried to be a good host, but he could see Blaine getting more and more upset about what had happened and that upset Kurt to the point where he could tell they were both making each other spiral. This visit couldn't end soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It ends there because I want the visit in Blaine's POV.
> 
> See? I'm not completely dead. Probably should've spaced out those earlier chapters more though. Sorry?
> 
> Your music: https://play.spotify.com/user/nonnieholly/playlist/0ndsCWKOU9Y6P4NDlNL5dS


	18. Weathered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know the note I left at the end of that last chapter, but I realized the reason I was having problems moving forward is that the scene I had in mind didn't work with the overall story. So it's gone, kaput, you'll never have it darken your screen.

_Blaine curled in on himself as Sebastian left him. He didn't know what was wrong with him, why he couldn't get hard. He just wanted to please his Dom, and Sir had gotten off but he wasn't pleased. He wanted Blaine hard and begging but Blaine just ended up crying and he didn't know why. Nothing was wrong. He had food, a roof over his head, a Dom to take care of him and punish him when he needed to be punished... Why did he feel so awful? Now, of course, he felt awful because he couldn't stop feeling awful and because he'd failed his Dom. Blaine was a failure. He wasn't good enough or strong enough or loving enough. He wasn't enough._

It had been a couple weeks since Rachel and Sam's visit and Blaine's focus had narrowed to a tiny pinpoint. Kurt was worried about him and was constantly trying to reassure Blaine. He tried so hard to believe that Kurt did love him just for him, that he didn't need anything from Blaine, that he wasn't upset they couldn't be intimate... But Blaine couldn't feel it. So he learned to just smile and agree. It was clear that Kurt was still worried about him, though. He seemed uncertain about asking Blaine to be his plus one to a wedding. They hadn't had visitors again and Blaine was fine with that. He could tell Rachel and Sam were uncomfortable and he couldn't even make Kurt happy, so he didn't have anything to spare on guests.

Kurt had bought him a suit and helped him into it. Blaine had healed enough that he could sit normally in the chair, but he definitely couldn't walk yet and it was still mildly painful but tolerable. They'd had a minor mishap getting him into the trousers that ended with a black eye for Blaine. Luckily, Kurt was a master of stage makeup so he wouldn't have to answer endless questions about it. Kurt held his hand for the drive and Blaine made sure he had a faint smile on his face. The contact felt good. In that everything good felt bittersweet now. He felt like he was waiting for Kurt to get rid of him. Blaine was convinced Kurt would be done with him as soon as he healed. 

He was confused when Kurt parked far from the building instead of in the handicap spot. "Okay, we need to talk," Kurt said and Blaine swallowed. This was it. "Blaine, I can tell you're not doing well. I can tell. I know you say you're fine, but you're not. I need you to be honest with me, please. We can go home. We don't have to do this. Just... Talk to me, please."

Blaine opened his mouth, but he couldn't find his voice. He just shook his head as he felt tears threatening. "Blaine, I can't help if you don't talk to me... It feels like you've been building this wall or shutting down or something and... it hurts. If you don't want to be with me, we don't-"

"Of course I want to be with you," Blaine interrupted. "I just want to make you happy."

"You do, Blaine."

"You're not happy now."

Kurt unbuckled his seat belt so he could turn better to cup Blaine's face. "Because I can feel you drifting away from me. I want to be with _you_ , Blaine. Not just your body. Without you in there, I might as well be living with a sack of potatoes."

Blaine looked up at him, not even sure what to say. "I don't feel good enough," he admitted, looking away.

"Why not?"

"Because I never have been... I've never been good enough, Kurt. No one's ever put up with me unless they got something in return."

"And why do you think I'm not getting anything in return?"

"Well, soon I'll be healed and you won't be able to take care of me anymore."

"What?"

"I know you have this... nurturing, caregiver side. I know it makes you feel good to take care of me."

"Oh, honey," Kurt said, stroking his cheek. "Blaine, my sweet, beautiful, Blaine. I'm talking about you. I'll say it until my voice gives out if I have to. I love you. Yes, I love taking care of you but that's because I love you, not just the act of caring. You've been stuck with abusers and manipulators. Those are the kind of people who are only interested in what they can take from you. That's not love, sweetheart. Love is giving. It just so happens that when someone loves you back, you also happen to receive. But it should only be receiving, never ever taking, okay? I would never take from you. Neither would anyone who loved you."

"Do you remember when I told you about my thoughts?" Blaine asked quietly.

"What about them?"

"How they spiral out of control and- and how having someone else decide my punishment... it lets me stop."

Blaine could see the hurt in Kurt's eyes even though he hid it well. "Do you want me to punish you?"

Nodding, Blaine said, "I know it's not healthy, and I know I need to find another way to cope, but... Right now it's all that works. It's been weeks and you haven't punished me once and I know why, but it can be anything you want. It doesn't have to be physical."

Kurt nodded, thinking. "Okay," he said. "Do you want to go home?"

"Kind of. But I don't want you to miss your friends' wedding. And I do want to meet them. So... kind of, but not really."

Another moment passed as Kurt thought. "Do you think it would be a fair punishment to have you sit through the wedding?"

Blaine swallowed. Part of him had hoped Kurt would take them home. He didn't want to face anyone. It would probably be good for him, though, and he really wanted to please Kurt however he could. "That sounds fair. For now."

"Okay. I want it to be clear, Blaine, that the reason you are being punished is that you've been unkind to yourself. No one, not even you, gets to tell my sub that he isn't good enough."

Blaine actually started crying then and Kurt wrapped him in a hug. By the time he'd finally calmed down, Kurt had to touch up his makeup and then he drove them down to the handicap spaces. Blaine felt a lot better after crying, but he also felt tired. Kurt helped him from the truck to the chair and pushed him in. They were a little late, but they hadn't missed anything. People were still talking excitedly. There was a seat reserved for them in the very front, all the way to the right. Kurt parked Blaine next to the bench and they held hands as they waited. He took a deep breath and smiled genuinely for the first time in a while. Kurt caught his eye and smiled back.

Through the whole ceremony, Blaine couldn't help but picture him and Kurt up there. He wouldn't mind being legally married to Kurt, though if he had to choose he might prefer a collar. He wondered if Kurt collared his subs. Had they talked about it? Everything felt like such a blur. He wouldn't mind a solid reminder weighing on his neck that he belonged to someone, that someone loved him and wanted him enough to lay a public claim on him. Brittany and Santana looked so in love. He wondered if that was what he and Kurt looked like.

He turned his head with everyone else to watch as they walked back down the aisle together and felt everything inside him go cold. Everyone was watching them go except one face that was watching him. Kurt immediately turned to Blaine and he realized he'd gripped Kurt's hand too tight. "You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah-" he replied but he'd just promised he'd try harder to talk to Kurt. "No."

"Do you want to leave?"

"Please."

"Okay," Kurt nodded, petting Blaine's hand between his own. "We'll let it clear out a little bit and then we'll go straight home."

People were already getting up, so Blaine nodded. He felt like throwing up. He should have known something like this might happen. Kurt and his friends had all been part of the Glee club. Of course they would know some of their rivals, might even be friends with them. He was so thankful when Kurt headed off Rachel. Blaine could feel a panic attack coming on and he didn't want to talk to anyone.

The room had pretty much entirely emptied and Rachel was still talking to Kurt. Sam had joined her with Mercedes and for some reason the two brides had snuck back into the chapel instead of going to greet their guests. "Hi, I'm Santana," she greeted Blaine before Kurt could stop her, "you may recognize me from the wedding ceremony. We're going for a trip." 

"Actually, Kurt and I needed to get going," he said, heart pounding painfully as she started to wheel him away. Blaine looked at him helplessly, but as soon as Kurt moved to stop her, Sam blocked him. They argued and Blaine actually heard someone shove someone else as Santana wheeled him entirely out of the room. "Can you take me back, please?"

He sounded almost as terrified as he felt. They finally stopped in what he guessed was their dressing room or whatever was the wedding term for it. Santana sat down across from him and crossed her legs as Brittany sat down next to her. "Don't worry, Kurt won't get past Sam," she said.

"I don't understand," Blaine said in a really small voice.

"Sam and Rachel filled us in on the Kurt situation a little while ago," she said. "None of us wanted to believe it, but we couldn't turn a blind eye."

"To what?" Blaine asked in horror.

Brittany finally spoke up. "Don't worry. Kurt won't hurt you anymore."

Blaine just stared in sick shock. "You don't know anything about- about it," he stammered, on the edge of a complete breakdown.

"So that makeup on your eye, that's from week ago, is it?" she asked flatly. "And you looked terrified at the thought of leaving with him because he's good to you?"

"He is good to me. I wasn't terrified of leaving. I wanted to leave with him."

"Then why didn't he want anyone to talk to you?"

"Because I'm upset! In case they left it out, I was tortured and raped and left for dead in a ditch! Being around people-" he looked down and tried to breathe through the pain in his chest. "I need Kurt-"

At least they seemed to be reacting now. "I'll get Rachel," Brittany volunteered. Blaine would have screamed if he weren't struggling for breath.

It was ages before Rachel finally arrived and told Brittany and Santana they could go greet their guests. She tried to talk him down, but he didn't understand what was happening or why. "I need Kurt," he begged her.

"Blaine, it's fine. He can't hurt you anymore. We won't let him."

"He's not hurting me," he cried. "Even when I want him to, he doesn't. He can't!"

Rachel reached for his eye. "Blaine..."

"Why is everyone so fixated on-?" he gasped for air and wondered why no one cared that he was having a panic attack and couldn't breathe. "It's not easy getting dressed without the use of your legs. I fell. I really did. Please, can you just get Kurt, please?!"

"Blaine, just try to calm down with me, okay? You can see Kurt but first we just want to make sure you're okay."

"Well, I'm not!" Blaine cried. "I didn't want to come here, and I don't want to be here. I don't want to talk to anyone. I just need Kurt."

She touched him and he flinched away. All trust he had for her was gone, swallowed by blinding panic. "Blaine, if you can calm down and talk to me, that's all I want."

"All I want is Kurt," he begged.

"Breathe," she ordered and he did mostly out of fear and habit. "Good, Blaine." She stroked his hair but he closed his eyes in revulsion. He didn't want this praise.

It took several minutes, but the pain in his chest lessened and he could breathe again though his stomach was still roiling unpleasantly. "Please can you let me go home now?"

She tried to take his hands but he pulled away. "Blaine, please understand. We just want to help. When Sam and I visited a few weeks ago, you seemed terrified and Kurt seemed angry with you."

"He was angry with himself!" Blaine bit out, starting to feel angry himself.

"Okay, so what about today? Sam saw the two of you park far away and him have a talk with you. Your eyes were puffy like he'd made you cry."

"Because he did! Because I've been having a hard time and he was comforting me!"

"Then why wouldn't he let us talk to you? Why was he rushing out?"

"Because I was upset. I was upset and I wanted to leave and he knew I wouldn't want to deal with anyone," Blaine said and started crying some more. Luckily Rachel didn't try to comfort him again. At least she'd figured out he didn't want her to touch him.

She sighed. "Okay, Blaine. Okay. Just one more thing. If it wasn't Kurt, what was so upsetting that you needed to leave? Because it looked to us like you were happy to be here until everything was over and you realized you had to go home again."

Blaine felt the color drain from his face. "That's something I'll talk to Kurt about, but it's deeply personal and I don't trust you right now, not after this."

His words seemed to hit her hard. "We just wanted to talk to you away from him," she told him quietly. "To make sure he wasn't pressuring you."

"If anyone's being pressured, it's him," Blaine said angrily. "Now can you please just take me back?"

"Okay, Blaine," she said quietly. "I'm sorry. We really did just want to check on you."

He wanted to say something biting and sarcastic about how their good intentions had given him a minor nervous breakdown, but he elected to just remain silent. She knew what they'd done wrong. He wanted to be happy to see Kurt, but he couldn't because Sebastian was standing with him, striking up a conversation. Kurt seemed thrilled to see Blaine and immediately went to him. Blaine took his hand. "Please, can we go?" he begged.

"Blaine Anderson?" Sebastian was saying as if pleased to see someone he'd known years ago in school. His grip tightened on Kurt's hand. "It's been years!"

Kurt could tell Blaine was in distress, but he hadn't picked up on exactly why or to what level. "Blaine and I were on our way out, actually," he told the man. "We'll have to catch up some other time."

"I look forward to it," Sebastian said and made eye contact in a way that had Blaine shaking. Kurt was pushing him out but Blaine was still tense, unable to relax knowing Seb was somewhere back there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, you're mad Sebastian's still standing, I know. You've trusted me for nearly 40k. Trust me a little longer if you can.
> 
> Your music: https://play.spotify.com/user/nonnieholly/playlist/0ndsCWKOU9Y6P4NDlNL5dS


	19. Thoughtless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been almost two years since i updated this and that's partly because i've been busy but mostly because i got a comment (deleted now, don't go looking) saying that they hoped i wasn't going to have something happen that did and that it would be so ridiculous and be awful and make no sense and after that, i just couldn't write for a while. (Even though i knew there were only two chapters left.) So basically... i mean, just think about your comments and the fact that a real person is reading them before you leave them. Not all of us are professional writers, and really i just write stories that i want to read. So that was like the double whammy of telling me my taste also sucks and not just my writing? (I don't think anyone who's still reading needs this lecture, but i have strong feelings.)
> 
> Anyway, it's been a thorn in my brain (not even my side, y'all) that this has been sitting here WIP-ing for the past (almost) two years and apparently i finally managed to make words again.
> 
> Your music: https://play.spotify.com/user/nonnieholly/playlist/0ndsCWKOU9Y6P4NDlNL5dS

_Kurt shoved Sam violently. Blaine was being taken from him, in distress that was only getting worse and they were stopping him from helping. He had to get to him, had to help, and they were accusing him of hurting Blaine, of abusing him, and that hurt almost as much as watching Blaine's eyes beg him for help that he was being stopped from giving. He tried to argue, tried to make them see reason, but apparently shoving Sam like that had only made them more certain that Kurt was a violent abuser. He grew more peaceful (though not remotely calm) as they listed off their "evidence" of his abuse- Blaine's discomfort when Sam and Rachel visited, the black eye (though how they picked up on his makeup job was beyond him), the talk in the parking lot and his red eyes... It would seem damning to anyone who didn't know him. Didn't they know him anymore? He needed Blaine, needed him. Blaine was upset and being torn from Kurt wasn't going to help. They promised him that they just wanted to hear from Blaine that he was okay, without Kurt nearby to "threaten" him. He tried to be patient and didn't bother with calm. Some Warbler whose name he didn't quite remember (Sebastian, as he reintroduced himself) was trying to chat with him which would have been kind if it wasn't so fucking irritating._

Kurt breathed in Blaine's smell and the inhale he heard from his sub told him that Blaine was doing the same. They were on the sofa, finally home, buried in each other's neck and shoulders, and Kurt was only barely managing to keep the tears at bay. Who had thought a wedding was a good place for an intervention? Especially one like this? "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Kurt mumbled miserably. "We should have gone home. I shouldn't have forced you to go to this. They took you and I couldn't stop them..."

He felt Blaine's hand slip around his waist and the younger man leaned closer. "I don't care," the brunet said bluntly. Kurt's heart clenched- not because he thought Blaine didn't care about his apology, but because his caring, loving sub had been so upset that he hadn't launched into his usual habit of reassuring Kurt. He didn't try to say things were okay or that it didn't matter, and that was how Kurt knew something was truly wrong.

"Talk to me. Please."

His voice was soft and gentle, barely above a whisper. It wasn't a command, but a desperate plea. Kurt wasn't at fault and he knew it, but he needed to fix it. He wouldn't be able to rest or focus on anything until he did something to make this better.

Kurt was certain Blaine wasn't going to reply, and his certainty was justified for at least forty-five seconds. Blaine was tense in his arms, fist clenched in his Dom's shirt where before it had been gently holding. Then suddenly, he started sobbing with no warning but the words, "It was him."

It didn't translate in Kurt's mind. What was who? He teetered between his desire to help and fix and his desire to protect his Blaine from whatever was agonizing him. Cradling him carefully, Kurt kissed his hair. "Who, sweetheart?"

Blaine just shook his head, and this time Kurt's belief that he wasn't going to reply remained justified. He couldn't push Blaine anymore, not tonight. "It's okay. I've got you, and they won't take you again. Let's go to bed and I'll hold you until you fall asleep, okay? We won't go out again until you're ready. We can stay here, just us. Does that sound okay, Blaine?" Kurt kissed the hair again and ran his fingers through it soothingly. Blaine nodded and after a moment, they got up slowly. Kurt insisted on a detour to the kitchen and got Blaine to drink a bit of water. He would have liked to get his sub to eat something, but this was better than nothing. The water even seemed to help. Blaine seemed steadier as they got into bed and he held Kurt just as close as the Dom held him. "Rest. I've got you and I love you and we don't have to talk about anything you don't want to."

Blaine nodded against him, the movement more of a nuzzle than an acknowledgment. "I should have realized he might be there," Blaine murmured. "We're all from Ohio..."

The crying had worn Blaine out and he was falling asleep. Kurt was suddenly wide awake though. He had a horrible suspicion icing his veins. Had Blaine's abuser been at the wedding? Kurt wasn't violent, and he hated hurting people- was almost incapable of it- but he had literally dreamt of torturing Blaine's ex-Dom. The spectre of that asshole had hung over Kurt since the moment he'd first learned of him, and he was right up there with Eli on the list of people Kurt would be willing to go to jail for killing. Maybe he should be ashamed of his desire to kill, but he wasn't. He'd seen Blaine bloody and broken and he wanted those same wounds (and more) inflicted on those who'd thought them up. It was all he could do not to tense up when Blaine said, "I didn't know Doms could be gentle before you. He made me think I deserved to be abandoned. Sometimes he'd say he didn't realize I was using my safe word, but what could you possibly mistake it for?"

"Sebastian." It was a statement, and it was confirmed by the way Blaine turned closer to his current Dom as if to get away from the ex. Kurt wanted to go after the bastard but he couldn't, not right now. Not when Blaine was calm and exhausted and needed to sleep. All bets were off once Blaine had finally gone under, though. Kurt slipped out and called Rachel even though he was furious with her. Nothing was more important than whatever Kurt was going to do to Sebastian Smythe. Blaine was right. There was no mistaking that name for anything, and even if there was... any real Dom would want to be absolutely sure their sub hadn't safe worded. No loving, good person would risk it. Kurt's grip was crushing on his phone as Rachel tried to talk over the noise of the reception. He hung up without further explanation and drove. He'd forgotten about the reception, and Blaine's abuser would likely have gone to it. Kurt knew he shouldn't have left Blaine alone, but his anger had built and built and now he felt like the monster he'd always been afraid he was but it was too late and he didn't care. It didn't take long to find Sebastian at the reception, and he seemed to know exactly why Kurt was there, though maybe not quite. 

Leering at Kurt as they went some place private, the ex-Warbler seemed to think Kurt was as twisted as he was. "I usually avoided his face, but I guess he's graduated to wanting more."

The smug smile immediately disappeared as Kurt shoved him up against the wall, pinning him there. He didn't know what he was about to do. "You are despicable," he spat. "You disgusting piece of fucking _trash_." Unable to stop himself, Kurt pulled him forward and then slammed him back against the wall. The other's skull made a satisfying crack. He started to speak, but they were both interrupted by Rachel. She looked appalled and Kurt finally realized what he was doing. This wasn't him. Kurt wasn't this person. Something in him had broken seeing Blaine hurt and caring for him, growing intimately familiar with the new wounds tortured into him and the older scars that he knew had to be from Sebastian. He'd had the last straw dumped on him when his friends ripped his sub from him and accused him of being a monster like the one he had just slammed into a wall.

Was he that bad? Did he have that potential?

That moment of hesitation was all the ex-Warbler needed. He broke free of Kurt's grip and punched him in the face. Kurt tasted copper and was forced to go on the defensive. "You think you're some kind of moral paragon? At least when I hurt people, they ask for it!"

"And when you finally get them to safeword, you ignore it!" Kurt growled as he kicked out and got a shin. Sebastian crumpled a little and Kurt was pleased with the way he limped. Kurt hadn't been a kicker on the football team for nothing. "You _broke_ him."

"Sluts like Blaine want to be broken," Sebastian said and suddenly Kurt was the one pinned against the wall, an arm pressed dangerously against his throat. "Clearly you do too, starting a fight like me, you little tease."

Kurt saw red. He remembered using that word, accidentally triggering Blaine with it, and to hear it uttered from the mouth that had originally wielded it to hurt his beautiful, perfect sub... The only thing that stopped him from doing something he might regret later was Rachel, knocking him out completely with what Blaine could only assume was a table centerpiece from the main hall. She met his eyes but she didn't say anything. They both knew that nothing more than a miracle and a well-setup sound system had kept him from ruining Brittany and Santana's reception. Rachel had heard enough. She knew exactly who Sebastian was to Blaine and she just looked tired. "Go home, Kurt. Protect him by being there."

He could almost hear the implication that he couldn't help Blaine from prison. Whether or not she'd actually implied it was up for debate. There were so many things he wanted to say to her about how could she think he had anything but Blaine's best interests at heart, or how he couldn't fix this, or how much it hurt to see him so broken so many times, to not be able to do anything. Instead, he kicked the unconscious form of his love's abuser and met Rachel's eyes with a barely concealed fury. "Make sure his ass gets thoroughly kicked."

He didn't stay to wait for her response. He couldn't stand it if he looked into her eyes and saw anything less than the same hatred that was burning him alive. Thankfully Blaine was still asleep when Kurt got home. Finally, he felt shame. If Blaine had woken up alone... Kurt left the doorway from which he'd been observing his sub's unconscious form and took a shower. He cried quietly with a grief he hadn't felt since Chandler. Kurt had almost lost more than himself that night. He felt lost and had no idea how to right himself.


End file.
